How to Successfully Set Boundaries with Men: Pro Tips and Strategies

In many relationships, boundaries remain unclear. People assume their partner will understand, they avoid discussing it for fear of causing tension, and gradually, imbalances creep in. Psychologist Alba Cardalda, author of “How to Tell People to Politely F*ck Off”, believes that learning to set boundaries is crucial for building a healthy relationship.

Cardalda often observes a common scenario: a vague discomfort arises in the relationship, frustrations build up, but words remain unspoken. Many women feel that something is off without being able to clearly articulate their needs. In this situation, Cardalda compares the relationship to a road without signs: each person moves forward with their own interpretation of the rules. Therefore, at the beginning of a relationship, it’s beneficial to establish the foundation on which to build a life together. She explains: “This can involve discussions about the type of relationship desired, what commitment means to each person, fidelity, or how each person expresses love.”

“There Are 2 Non-Verbal Elements That Are Extremely Important”

However, a boundary isn’t just about what you say. How you say it is also crucial. “There are two non-verbal elements that are extremely important: the tone of voice and eye contact,” Cardalda asserts. The same message can be perceived in very different ways depending on how it is delivered. “A calm but firm tone can set a clear framework, while a hesitant tone might suggest that the boundary is negotiable.” Eye contact, too, reinforces the credibility of the message. “You should always look the person in the eyes to ensure the message is received as intended. Don’t look away or down.” In other words, maintaining eye contact, without being aggressive, lends credibility to your words.

In these conversations, another reflex that can weaken a boundary is the desire to over-explain. Many women feel compelled to extensively justify their requests to make them seem legitimate. According to Cardalda, this excess of explanations can, on the contrary, give the impression that the expressed need must be defended or argued to be valid. In short, the situation becomes clearer when words are straightforward. Instead of attacking the other person, it’s often more effective to express what personally matters. For example: “For me, it’s important that we trust each other in this relationship.” This approach opens up the discussion without placing blame.

The psychologist also emphasizes another point: preserving the pillars of one’s personal life. Work, friendships, projects, or hobbies should not vanish just because a relationship starts. “If a woman wants to travel, continue her studies, or maintain a close circle of friends, these elements should be clearly protected,” she insists. “A relationship that demands giving up these aspects is likely to quickly lead to frustration.”

Of course, if boundaries are not respected and a partner persists despite a clear refusal, Cardalda advises remaining very firm and, if necessary, creating distance. Putting space between oneself and the other can become a way to protect what has been expressed. She also recommends relying on one’s social circle to avoid facing the situation in isolation.