Psychologist’s Sleep Ritual Gets Kids to Bed Easily, No Excuses Needed!

“I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I want another story, I don’t want to go to sleep”… When bedtime rolls around, kids often come up with creative excuses to get out of bed or delay going to sleep. While some children settle down easily, many do not. Most youngsters call out to their parents and find reasons to avoid sleeping right away. “A young child has intense mental activity due to what they learn and experience daily. At night, when it’s quieter and there’s less noise, their room becomes a space for reflection and visualizing their day. It’s a time when all their desires and constraints come into play,” explains psychologist Harry Ifergan.

Bedtime is also “a challenging time during which the child has to come to terms with not being in control“. By finding excuses to get up or to not be alone, they are “actually delaying confronting their fears“. In this scenario, should you go to check on them or let them calm down on their own? “As long as the child is not ill, it’s best to encourage as much independence as possible“, advises Harry Ifergan. When a parent does check on their child, they should maintain a neutral expression. The child should not feel that their mom or dad is regretful for leaving them alone in bed. It’s important to realize that when parents cannot manage their emotions well, it can instill fear in the child.

Moreover, telling your child that you understand their fear but that you trust them can be comforting. However, “it’s also important to let your child know when you are tired“. Harry Ifergan further recommends that parents start a ritual from the age of 3 until adolescence. The ritual involves “asking the child to share one thing from their day that brought them joy and one thing that caused them pain. Sharing something they didn’t like creates a necessary ritual for the child. It gets them used to expressing themselves to their parents“.

Once the child has shared what’s bothering them, they can fall asleep with less “weight” on their shoulders, feeling more relaxed. The parent will then be better able to reassure them and choose the right words. Over time, this exchange becomes a comforting routine for the child. They learn that they can share their worries without judgment, falling asleep feeling heard, understood, and secure.