Can a Relationship Thrive Without Saying “I Love You”?

As the norms of traditional romantic relationships have evolved in recent years, new relationship models such as open relationships, polyamory, and ‘celicouples’ have emerged. “There’s a shift in younger generations seeking more emotional freedom. As society evolves, so does our approach to love. It’s becoming more pragmatic and less idealized,” notes Géraldyne Prévot Gigant, a psychotherapist and author of “Emotional Self-Harm.” “It’s a different way of co-creating a story, where love is less proclaimed.”

These non-committal relationships appeal to those who wish to break free from traditional models. “It’s often a response to the over-saturation of classic coupling or the burden of romantic love,” explains the psychotherapist. Thus, a relationship without promises is defined by a lack of structure. However, the psychotherapist emphasizes the importance of “defining boundaries clearly with your partner so that the relationship isn’t vague, and it’s crucial that both partners operate in the same way and that neither feels trapped in a relationship.” This type of relationship may suit those with an avoidant attachment style or those who fear merging too much with another. However, highly affectionate, empathetic, or insecure individuals might find such a relationship brings instability and anxiety. “The lack of clear markers can lead to anxiety and a sense of emotional insecurity,” the expert warns.

The Potential for Long-term Pain

While a relationship without promises might seem appealing initially, it also carries risks in the long run. “The lack of commitment often prevents the relationship from developing depth,” explains the psychotherapist. Without promises, emotional stability and mutual trust may deteriorate, leading to confusion and pain. “One of the partners almost always ends up suffering from the lack of structure,” she cautions. “The relationship can become chaotic, even toxic.”

Often underlying the fear of commitment is a misconception: that love and partnership must constrain personal freedom. “There’s no benefit in avoiding promises. One should work on this limiting belief which often stems from personal history, that one can lose their freedom through commitment and promises,” advises the professional. Self-confidence is fundamental for a calming, peaceful, and fulfilling romantic relationship.