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What Does Fear of Abandonment in Love Really Tell Us? Uncover the Truth!

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Que révèle notre peur de l'abandon en amour ?

This emotional wound creates a strong sense of insecurity and can hinder the development of fulfilling romantic relationships.

The fear of abandonment often triggers anxieties that can impact one’s love life. This anxiety, typically rooted in childhood, can manifest in adulthood through several characteristic behaviors:

  • You feel anxious when your partner doesn’t answer the phone
  • You feel nervous when your partner shows interest in other activities
  • You experience a sense of insecurity in your relationships
  • You become possessive and jealous

This fear is projective. “People with abandonment issues feel overlooked and unheard,” explains Marie José de Aguiar, a psychotherapist. For a relationship to work, it is essential to choose a partner who doesn’t mirror your own insecurities. “The partner needs to be patient, stable, and consistent to adequately care for their significant other,” the professional emphasizes.

Lack of Trust in Adulthood

The fear of abandonment is often rooted in childhood experiences where an event or a relationship with a parent led to anxiety and thus impaired the attachment bond, creating a fear of separation. In adulthood, individuals with abandonment issues suffer from low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence. “For example, they may have learned as children that their parent had better things to do than to cater to their needs. This translates into their romantic relationships when their partner does not respond,” the psychotherapist analyzes. These individuals constantly need reassurance and may experience their romantic relationships under the shadow of emotional dependency. “They worry about the absence of their partner and have a strong need for closeness,” continues the professional. Any gap in the relationship reactivates their abandonment anxiety. According to the psychotherapist, “they cannot manage the distance due to their overwhelming need for reassurance.”

The good news is that this abandonment wound can be healed. Recognizing that one’s anxieties are disproportionate is the first step. “We cannot expect others to fix our fear of abandonment,” reminds Marie José de Aguiar. “Relational therapy can help work on our inner security.” Having a good support system can also help one gain perspective on their anxieties. “Friends can play a role too, helping to determine if our reactions are reasonable and bringing awareness to reality,” the psychotherapist points out. She concludes, “It’s also important to be gentle with our anxieties, to treat them with kindness and not judge ourselves too harshly.”

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