Psychologists Warn: Never End a Relationship This Way to Spare Feelings!

Breaking up is one of the most challenging romantic situations to navigate. Sometimes, breakups occur even when love still exists. Should one soften the blow to protect the other person, use clichéd phrases we’ve all heard before, or opt for complete honesty? In an era where more people are turning to artificial intelligence for advice on romantic decisions, psychologists believe that one method stands out as the best, while another should be avoided at all costs.

Scientific research has delved into the dynamics of when a romantic relationship takes a turn for the worse. Several studies indicate that a significant drop in relationship satisfaction typically occurs between 7 and 28 months before the breakup. Researchers refer to this as “terminal decline,” a period during which the relationship progressively deteriorates until it becomes unsustainable. For the person initiating the breakup, the decision often forms during this time, long before it’s actually communicated.

For the other person, however, the breakup announcement can seem sudden and shocking. This discrepancy partly explains why breakups are often experienced as a traumatic shock. Moreover, the situation can become even more complicated when emotional dependency has developed within the relationship. One study shows that the more a person perceives their partner as dependent on them, the less likely they are to end the relationship. Consequently, some people stay in relationships that no longer satisfy them, simply to avoid hurting the other person. Yet, crucial questions can help one decide whether to stay or go. Ultimately, how does one break up properly?

The method recommended by psychologists, though challenging, is to be as honest as possible about the reasons for the breakup, to inform the person face-to-face, and to stick to the decision once it’s made. This involves using straightforward and direct statements such as “I am no longer happy in our relationship,” “This decision isn’t against you, but for my own well-being,” or “I prefer to be honest rather than let something unsuitable continue.” This approach requires courage, as it involves facing the conversation and dealing with the potential reactions. However, research suggests that a clear, respectful, and definitive separation often allows both individuals to move forward more easily than a vague or drawn-out breakup.

Conversely, the most negatively received method is outright avoidance, known as “ghosting.” Disappearing without a word, not responding to messages, or suddenly cutting off all contact leaves the other person without an explanation, fostering a lasting sense of misunderstanding. While vanishing without explanation might seem easier for the one leaving, studies show that this practice is linked to a decline in both psychological and physiological well-being for the person left behind.