7 Things Never to Say During a Breakup: Avoid These to Spare More Heartache!

Every year, about 425,000 marital separations occur, including divorces, civil union dissolutions, and breakups of non-marital partnerships. Hidden behind these numbers are numerous challenging conversations about ending relationships. Certain words used during these breakups can be particularly harmful, as explained by Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant, a psychotherapist.

“Let’s Stay Friends”

“This is a phrase I often hear in therapy sessions. The one initiating the breakup unloads their guilt by suggesting friendship. Saying this can actually hurt the other person more,” analyzes Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant. “It can make the other person feel devalued, only adding to the pain of the breakup.”

“Should We Take a Break?”

“Some people struggle to fully break off the relationship and thus communicate ambiguously,” the therapist explains. “This creates uncertainty which keeps the other person dependent and prevents them from mourning the relationship. It’s a hard phrase for the dumped person to hear because it lacks clarity. Owning up to the breakup also means respecting the other person by speaking frankly.”

“It’s Not You, It’s Me”

The psychotherapist points out, “this generates a feeling of helplessness. The person ending the relationship takes it upon themselves so the other can be freed from blame. However, it’s better to clarify the reasons for the breakup. It’s already tough dealing with unreciprocated feelings, so it’s crucial to be straightforward.”

“You Deserve Better”

“This phrase is a way to soften the blow by complimenting the other person. Those who use it might be struggling with self-deprecation, feeling inadequate. Yet, this is a complicated phrase to process: if one genuinely believes it, they should seek help for their low self-esteem, but it doesn’t help the other person cope with the breakup more easily,” the therapist specifies. “It can even be quite cruel to hear because it implies, ‘I’m not good enough for our relationship,’ which might lead to self-sabotage.”

“You’re Really Great”

“Generally, ending a relationship by listing someone’s qualities does not lessen their grief, disappointment, or sadness,” emphasizes the psychotherapist. “The abandoned party might think, if I’m so wonderful, then why are they leaving me? It’s important to own the breakup while understanding that it will cause pain.”

“You’ll Always Have a Place in My Heart”

“Again, this is meant to make the breakup smoother. But what kind of place are we talking about, and how big is it? Regardless, it’s not the place the other person hoped for,” comments Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant.

“I Just Can’t Do This”

According to the psychotherapist, “this means ‘I can’t love you or be happy in our relationship.’ Again, it’s better to expand and explain to the other person why you’re leaving.”

Even though breakups can lead to awkwardness, omissions, and misunderstandings, it’s crucial to manage how you communicate to help the other person process the breakup more easily and begin their grieving process as soon as possible. “There’s no magic phrase, but providing an explanation helps the other person understand and detach from the relationship,” concludes Géraldyne Prévot-Gigant, author of the book “Women and Love: Navigating Romance in the Age of Dating, Ghosting, and Swiping” (Ed. Leduc).