The Best Thing to Say for Comfort After a Breakup: Ultimate Guide!

Dealing with a breakup can leave us at a loss for words. Whether it’s our best friend, a sibling, or a colleague, finding the right words that truly comfort can be challenging. Yet, in these moments of vulnerability, every word matters. “My initial instinct is to think about what not to say,” admits love coach Elodie Cavalier. “People always mean well, but they can inadvertently do a lot of harm.” For instance, she advises against saying “Don’t cry.” “It’s a societal command: we can’t stand to see people cry”. Asking someone to suppress their tears means forbidding them from expressing what they truly feel inside. “We need to welcome emotions, not deny them. When they are buried, they cause more damage in the long run.”

Similarly, telling someone to “Forget them” is not advisable. “It’s a nonsensical request,” states the love coach. Trying to console by suggesting they forget is to deny the history that existed, the shared memories. “One cannot simply become amnesic on command. What the person needs is not to forget, but to find peace with the relationship that has ended.” Likewise, avoid saying “There are plenty of fish in the sea.” This cliché, often heard after breakups, falls on deaf ears during such times. At best, it might bring a smile; at worst, you might hear your friend exclaim: “But I don’t want many, I want this one!” “We’re talking about love, not interchangeable humans,” Elodie reminds us.

After a breakup, choose words that heal. When you’re with a friend mourning a romantic loss, it’s not your job to save them or to make them feel better. “Don’t look for a solution, there isn’t one, sometimes we just feel bad and that’s all there is to it,” the love coach emphasizes. Rather than trying to force positivity, tell them “I’m here.” In the pain of a breakup, all we really need is presence, someone to listen, and silent understanding. “This phrase isn’t miraculous, but it’s beautiful!”

If the person cries, tell them, “You can cry on my shoulder.” “It’s a comforting way to welcome emotion,” Elodie notes. You provide a safe space, where vulnerability is allowed, free from judgment. This simple gesture can be incredibly soothing. Finally, even though it might not be immediately comforting, telling them “It hurts now, and it’s painful, but it won’t always be this way” plants a seed. By acknowledging the pain without trying to erase it, you offer a long-term perspective. “It doesn’t speed up the mourning process, but it provides a horizon for the one who is suffering.” This glimpse of hope, however distant, can help your loved one feel a little less overwhelmed by their pain.

Special thanks to Elodie Cavalier, love coach and founder of And Love Coaching.