Can You Find True Love More Than Once? Discover Now!

Sophie, age 30, shares that she has experienced only one true love, which she refers to as “my great youthful love,” lasting two years. It was a love so intense it felt maddening. Nowadays, she is with another man…

True love or not? She loves him, but doesn’t label their relationship as true love, rather “the love of her life,” a love to build and share life with, founded on mutual projects.

For Hélène, 31, it’s a different story. She finds true love in every relationship because she loves fully and completely. “What’s the opposite of true love?” she asks. “A lesser love? Not for me! When I commit to a relationship, it’s all in!”

Since there’s no right or wrong when it comes to the concept of true love, especially its plurality, we turned to Yves-Alexandre Thalmann, a clinical psychologist and author of Love Each Other Long (Ed. Solar) and The 10 Keys to Personal Development (Ed. Leduc.s), to learn more and uncover what really lies within us! True love? More like many great loves…

How can we define true love? Is it a completely subjective notion?

There’s no definitive answer to what “true love” is, primarily because the intensity of love, which is inherently subjective, cannot be measured. Furthermore, our brain processes happiness differently in the moment (experiential happiness) than it does in retrospect (evaluated happiness). For instance, one might live a wonderful love story that ends poorly… which could mar the memory of the entire relationship. Conversely, a relationship with deeply cherished memories might be regarded as true love. Ultimately, true love is a narrative we craft based on how we view a past or ongoing experience.

Can an initial love, often seen as true love, set a standard that makes future relationships seem less intense or powerful?

Again, our brain plays tricks on us: first experiences, with their intense emotional impact, are deeply ingrained in our memory. Moreover, our memory tends to embellish these recollections. As a result, we might idealize a past relationship to the extent that nothing else seems to compare, especially if that person has passed away. However, happiness is always within reach, provided that we know how to seize it.

According to a 2012 British study, true love can be found up to four times in a lifetime. Does this mean we have a limited amount of love to give, which after four times diminishes?

Let’s be more pragmatic: this figure is a statistical outcome. When surveying a large number of people, an average of four significant love stories emerges. Just as learning that people typically change careers three times doesn’t mean we can’t switch more or less frequently, or that our professional skills are depleted after the third job. Clearly, it’s possible to encounter true love as many times as one feels it!

Is true love enduring or passionate?

It can be either, since it’s a matter of personal perception: true love is a love that has transformed or transcended us. This can occur in a night of wild passion or over a lifetime of gentle companionship (though not both, as passion by definition is fleeting, much to the chagrin of the romantics!)

Is it possible to never experience true love or to never truly fall in love?

Any love can become great if both partners are committed. Many mistakenly think that love is mostly about finding the right person. While it is essential to meet someone compatible, the real challenge in love is to build a fulfilling relationship: love is more about becoming a good person oneself, meaning a good partner, than about finding the right person. That said, some people are more prone to frequent crushes, which may be part of their temperament. However, these fleeting infatuations are not necessarily the foundation for fulfilling relationships.

Thanks to Yves-Alexandre Thalmann, clinical psychologist and author of Love Each Other Long (Ed. Solar) and The 10 Keys to Personal Development (Ed. Leduc.s),