4 Telltale Signs He’s In Love With You: Learn How to Spot Them!

In his thesis “The Childhood of Emotions”, sociologist Kevin Diter highlights the gendered learning of emotions: from an early age, love and the expression of feelings are often seen as feminine traits. As a result, many men grow up with a reserved affective demeanor that prevents them from clearly expressing their feelings. While we await a more liberated redefinition of masculinity, we asked psychoanalyst Christian Richomme to shed light on the subtle signs that may indicate a man is in love.

1. He seeks eye and physical contact: A man in love tends to seek regular and prolonged eye contact, a “sign of a deep emotional connection”. Pupil dilation is also a sign of attraction, according to research in affective neuroscience. Body language is also telling, sometimes even more than words: “The way his body turns toward you, the genuine smile when he sees you… These are signals a man can’t always control and that betray his feelings.”
2. He gives you his full attention: Christian Richomme asserts that attention is a reflection of emotional investment. Therefore, a man in love will naturally be curious about you, taking an interest in your experiences and remembering the small details you share. “Freud discussed the process of cathexis, this psychic energy invested in a person who occupies our mind.” This interest is not just intellectual: it also manifests as great availability and a desire to be actively there for the other. “Even a busy man will find time for the one who makes his heart beat. It’s not a sacrifice but a natural manifestation of love: the desire to get closer and be present.”
3. He includes you in his life: When in love, one desires to explore the world of the beloved and also to integrate them into one’s own. If he shares his passions with you, introduces you to his friends, or talks about his past, chances are you mean a lot to him! “This shows a process of integration into his identity framework. It’s no longer just a casual flirtation, but a place he’s assigning you in his life,” explains Christian Richomme. Similarly, talking about future plans together, even if hypothetical, shows real attachment. “He unconsciously builds a future where you are included. In psychoanalysis, this is referred to as positive narcissistic investment: the other becomes an extension of oneself in the projection of a shared future.”
4. He shows vulnerability: Many men hide their insecurities for fear of not meeting the expectations of masculinity. The notion that one must always appear strong and brave still prevails! Thus, revealing one’s vulnerability despite these norms is a true sign of trust, notes Christian Richomme. “A man in love will drop some emotional barriers. He will share his doubts, anxieties, and joys. It may seem trivial, but in a society where masculinity is often associated with emotional restraint, this openness is a major sign of sincere attachment.”

However, it’s important to remember that love is a mysterious feeling that defies any logic. Even if these signs are present, they do not guarantee romantic attachment. To end the uncertainties that plague you, nothing replaces an open-hearted conversation!