Does Abstinence Boost Relationship Satisfaction? Find Out!

According to a 2024 Ifop-Lelo survey, the French are engaging in sex less frequently than ever before. Only 76% of French people had sexual intercourse in the past 12 months, marking the lowest rate in 50 years—a 15-point decline since 2006. Moreover, the frequency of sexual activity has diminished; currently, 43% of French individuals report having sex on a weekly basis, down from 58% in 2009. Abstinence in a relationship, defined as the lack of sexual intercourse, can be “voluntary or due to medical issues, long-distance relationships, or disputes,” explains Evelyne Dillenseger. However, it’s not necessarily detrimental as commonly perceived. In fact, not having sex can offer benefits to the relationship.

For instance, it can lead to new ways of connecting. When physical communication with a partner ceases, it paves the way for different forms of connection. “Abstinence can lead to increased sharing and emotional connection,” the sexologist notes. Essentially, couples might find new activities to enjoy together, fostering a different type of connection.

“It Can Be Beneficial for Long-Term Couples”

Choosing not to have sex can also provide an opportunity to reflect on the relationship and raise questions that are often overlooked in the midst of a sexual routine: “Are we just going through the motions? Has it simply become a ritual?” Dillenseger challenges. This reflection can prompt discussions about desire. “Why don’t I feel like it anymore? Is it my desire? Is it due to a lack of interest in my partner?” Abstinence can stir up desire, which can be particularly intriguing for couples who have been together for a long time.

By abstaining and rediscovering each other, couples might find the right moment to discuss different ways of engaging sexually, like exploring slow sex. This can be a positive change for those who engage in sex too frequently, according to the sexologist. “We lose the meaning and sensation: it’s not just another activity.”

However, it’s important to note, as our expert warns, that abstinence doesn’t always lead to positive outcomes. “Sexuality reflects the well-being of a couple, and the less sex you have, the less you want it.” If abstinence is involuntary and lasts more than six months, “it’s a warning sign, and we advise couples to seek consultation.” There are many reasons why a couple might stop having sex. “When the desire fades and one feels compelled, it’s advisable to take a break for a few weeks until the desire returns,” concludes the professional.