Genius Kids’ Bedtime Struggles: Solving the Nightly Puzzle!

Some children experience the joy of falling asleep “as soon as their head touches the pillow” and then enjoy peaceful nights where witches make such fleeting appearances that they leave no memory. This fortunate nature allows them to view life’s ups and downs more calmly. Some gifted children live in this state of grace; they are not overwhelmed by their troubles, are considered lucky, and their serenity is celebrated.

In reality, many review their day: they dwell on frustrating moments, replay the scenes, and finally think of the perfect comeback they should have given to the hurtful remarks of unpleasant peers. They are always taken aback by these attacks, sometimes cleverly disguised, which are totally unwarranted. The seemingly harmless and mundane nature of these comments doesn’t lessen their hurtful impact, which the child deeply feels but, at the moment, couldn’t find the witty retort that would have silenced the aggressor. Now, in the quiet and solitude of the night, these comebacks naturally come to mind, providing them an undeniable edge and could have won over their hesitant peers instead of looking foolish, much to the delight of their tormentor.

They also recall the answer they failed to give to their teacher, and although they knew it, they are too quickly unsettled, losing their composure and the ability to think clearly. They are disappointed in themselves, resenting their own perceived mediocrity and even feeling worthless, eventually falling asleep steeped in bitterness. The next day, their distressed demeanor clearly reflects their inner turmoil. Dwelling on such thoughts is never good. They see they lack the natural reflexes that others seem to possess effortlessly, and they don’t know how to acquire them: school seems only to highlight their shortcomings and awkwardness. Perhaps they are doomed to remain clumsy for life. If their parents don’t discuss it, it’s because they know there is no remedy, and they don’t want to increase their child’s distress, but likely, they are as saddened as the child to see them so awkward.

It’s understandable that such gloomy thoughts prevent them from falling asleep. Helping them to combat this sometimes paralyzing emotivity would be beneficial; by themselves, they feel utterly incapable of such a victory, they resent their own weakness, and this anger further deprives them of all the witty comebacks they are capable of. There are various methods and approaches to this end, and as they grow, they will gain knowledge and strength that will enable them to find the right retorts and draw from their well-organized memory to provide the answers their teachers expect. Joyful tales of the triumph of the seemingly weakest are therapeutic, illustrating how evil is always and inexorably defeated.

Gifted Children, Tasked with a Mission to Help Their Parents

But this isn’t the only torment that prevents serene sleep: many children, especially gifted children, sometimes feel from birth that they are burdened with a mission. Their hypersensitivity allows them to detect any discomfort in their parents, even if the parents have tried their best to shield the newcomer from their troubles. It never occurs to these children to shirk; they believe they are born to fulfill this mission, but they have no idea how to proceed. They must invent ways to lift their parents from the despair they perceive them sinking into, and they have no one to turn to for advice since it is these very parents who teach them how to behave in all situations and, moreover, they are generally too young to express themselves with words. They are trapped in a role they are certain is theirs, with no possibility of resignation, but also without any instructions on how to conduct themselves.

While they know nothing of the adult world, they believe they have a specific mission. They understand that they must help their parents, especially the one in their care if the parents are separated, but they also worry about the other, deprived of their child’s support. One might think they are too young and inexperienced to take on such a heavy task, but to them, nothing is too burdensome. Lacking points of comparison, it’s the adults who, upon recognizing the situation, describe it as an “overwhelming burden,” but they often can’t imagine that such a young child could be tormented by the fear of failing their duties and not fulfilling their mission properly. The consulted adults, professionals in their field, understand that this disrupted sleep is related to the parents’ situation, but they don’t fully grasp how deeply the child feels this responsibility: such sensitivity and analytical capability seem inconceivable to them. Reason prevails over their feelings, and they are unable to truly help this child who needs precise advice and is anxious about having to grope in the dark while knowing that he is needed.

Searching for a Solution, a Barrier to Peaceful Sleep

Sleep disturbances are just a distant fallout from all the thoughts that besiege him. Sometimes he hears his parents arguing: once he understands that it’s not about him and that he’s not to blame for their disputes, he believes it’s his responsibility to calm them, since they are his parents and should therefore stay together. He certainly feels the duty to intervene, but he knows nothing about how adults function, even though sometimes they act like not always very mature or responsible children. He has no reference points, and it’s at the moment of drifting off to sleep that these questions surge back, precisely when, sometimes, a solution appears almost miraculously in a flash from the depths of the mind.

This mechanism works well for particularly tough math problems or for finding the precise word that accurately reflects a thought in an essay. Thus, it should also apply to finding the appropriate reaction to adults’ quarrels, but the solution doesn’t come, and sleep is delayed. Add to this the multitude of questions that gifted children ponder about life, death, and destiny, their breadth of understanding allows them to grasp these components of existence, without a hint of an answer and without daring to trouble their parents with these nearly metaphysical inquiries.

Advice: It is always preferable to consider the full range of situations experienced by a child who has difficulty falling asleep without fearing to question oneself and without trying to place the blame on the parent perceived as failing. Appropriate and neutral help can be extremely beneficial.