Love or Dependency? How to Spot the Difference in Your Relationship!

Many people wonder at some point whether they are experiencing true love or merely caught in emotional dependency. “This is a frequent topic in therapy sessions,” states therapist Virginie Clarenc. Although the line between them might seem blurred, there are distinct differences.

“What we’re aiming for is to love in a healthy way,” she continues. True love is based on mutual respect, balance, and harmonious interdependence. “I can state my needs, and it’s not a problem,” the therapist adds, showing that a healthy relationship allows for the expression of needs without fear. In a balanced love, each partner can support the other while maintaining their independence. “You don’t constantly need the other’s approval,” she goes on. The relationship provides emotional stability without either partner feeling smothered or overly dependent.

Conversely, emotional dependency is characterized by a “pathological” attachment. “You lose your freedom and that of your partner, which can be frightening,” the therapist cautions. Those who suffer from emotional dependency often struggle to function independently, and this dynamic can lead to a dysfunctional relationship. “One of the partners becomes too submissive, overly accommodating, and completely forgets their own needs,” she explains. In such relationships, the emotionally dependent person constantly seeks approval and reassurance from their partner, to the point of sacrificing their own desires and happiness. This creates an emotional imbalance where one partner ends up carrying the weight of the relationship.

“Emotional dependency can stem from childhood,” explains Virginie Clarenc. Often, affected individuals have trouble being autonomous, both socially and within their relationships. They frequently complain of loneliness, sadness, and feel an emotional void. These negative emotions drive them to seek comfort, sometimes excessively, from their partner. “These individuals struggle with independence and often need constant companionship,” she observes.

Emotional dependency is often viewed negatively but is not always catastrophic. “In our society, dependency is stigmatized, but it can be temporary,” she notes. It is possible that such situations can lead to positive evolution within a couple. “It can motivate us to change and evolve in our relationship,” concludes the therapist. She encourages viewing emotional dependency as an opportunity for transformation, provided it is acknowledged and addressed.