Master the Art of Perfect Cunnilingus: Tips & Techniques Revealed!

The term “cunnilingus” comes from the Latin words “cunnus” meaning “vulva” and “lingere” which means “to lick”. Also known as “vulvar kissing” or “clitoral kissing”, this form of oral sex involves “stimulating the entire vulva (not just the clitoris) by blending the firmness and softness of the tongue to create various sensations,” explains sex therapist Jessica Pirbay. According to an Ifop survey, 75% of women regularly engage in cunnilingus. Whether as a precursor to vaginal penetration or as a standalone act, this intimate kiss requires a certain level of skill to be pleasurable. Importantly, both the giver and receiver should find joy in the experience for it to be truly successful. Here are some tips.

Advice for the Giver

► Enjoy Yourself. “There must be a genuine desire to please your partner and enjoy yourself,” stresses Jessica Pirbay. This creates a positive feedback loop: the more the giver enjoys the act, the more pleasurable it is for the receiver, and vice versa.

► Adapt. “Whether you’ve already spent time with the woman and know a bit about her sexual preferences, or it’s your first time and you’re avoiding stereotypes, it’s crucial not to pigeonhole based on assumptions,” the expert advises. Instead, subtly inquire what they enjoy… Soft music, candles, slow pace, or perhaps a more primal atmosphere? “Some women might want to explore beyond their daily experiences during sex. They might find it exciting to see a more raw side of the act, such as a man spitting on their vulva during cunnilingus.”

► Don’t Do What You Did with Your Ex. “Each woman is different. We tend to perform what we think the other will enjoy based on our past relationships, what we’ve seen in porn, or what we personally like, and out of fear of awkwardness, we might forget to ask what they enjoy. Pleasing someone isn’t instinctive.”

“Some women prefer to get straight to the point”

► Cunnilingus Isn’t a “Must” Before Penetration. Many men forget that “some women prefer to get straight to the point without needing foreplay to get excited before penetration. For them, cunnilingus at that moment can be tedious and boring.”

► It’s Not Just Foreplay. Cunnilingus helps lubricate a woman’s genitals (thanks to saliva) and is a good preparation for penetration. It’s a staple in many couples’ foreplay routine. However, it’s important not to let it become monotonous! Cunnilingus is also sufficient on its own and can lead to orgasm, making it a great option to spice up your sex life.

Advice for the Receiver

► Are You Clean and Smelling Fresh? “Hygiene is crucial so that both partners feel comfortable. I’ve coached men who have shared their lack of desire due to an ‘unpleasant smell,’ which isn’t necessarily related to poor hygiene,” says our expert. While some might be aroused by the natural scent of pheromones, most prefer a shower before getting intimate.

► Communicate Your Likes. “Many women tell me they hesitate to guide their partner, but knowing how to please isn’t instinctive,” Jessica Pirbay reminds us. Don’t be shy about directing them—it can even be quite arousing for both of you: “Move your tongue down, then up more quickly, keep focusing on that area, with your mouth, your finger…”

► Let Go! To truly enjoy cunnilingus, it’s not all on the person performing it. You also have a role to play in maximizing your pleasure. Start by letting go. “Participate, clearly communicate what feels good or not, move your hips to position your most sensitive areas against their mouth or tongue, and don’t hesitate to touch your stomach, breasts,” advises sexologist Gérard Leleu in his book “To the Seventh Heaven.”

Techniques and Secrets for Successful Cunnilingus

► Take Your Time: Cunnilingus isn’t just a few minutes of quick licking before moving on. “What women want is for men to take their time, to continue the clitoral kissing for a long duration, ‘for hours,’ and not just as a prelude to intercourse. They want exclusive sessions of vulvar kisses leading to orgasms: one, two, ten orgasms,” observes Gérard Leleu.

► Find a Comfortable Position (see below)

► Don’t Immediately Focus on the Clitoris (unless you’re both in an ‘animal’ mood and she indicates she wants it right away): Start by caressing the woman’s body, kissing her breasts, belly, thighs, then gradually move closer to her genitals with your hands, mouth, and tongue to stimulate the large and small labia, the entrance of the vagina, and finally, the clitoris, a highly sensitive erogenous zone.

► Play with Your Tongue: Moist and warm, the tongue explores the entire vulva, teases the lips, and gently tickles the clitoris (without focusing too intensely on the very sensitive head). “Start gently and then increase the pace until you’re devouring her. Especially do not change the rhythm or slow down when she is close to climax,” the therapist emphasizes.

► Be Attentive to Her Reactions: Listen to the sounds she makes, watch her hands (Is she touching herself?), and pay attention to her words: “Being attuned to your partner is vital. If a cunnilingus session starts too slowly, it might be nice initially but can become less exciting if it lacks speed, rhythm, and the right attitude,” she adds.

► The Power of Words: “Some people reach orgasm through imagination, the eroticism, and the words. ‘I love devouring you, licking you, watching you enjoy…’ The words accompanying the act contribute to increasing the desire in that moment,” she notes.

► Use Your Fingers Too: While men often hesitate to use their fingers, they can enhance pleasure: “Stimulating the G-spot (inside the vagina) along with cunnilingus amplifies sensations because the clitoral bulb shares the same nerves as the G-spot. The woman can experience both external and internal orgasms, which also eroticizes the vagina in preparation for penetration, leading to greater pleasure,” Jessica Pirbay explains. Similarly, a man can use the bridge of his nose by pressing it more or less firmly against the clitoris during cunnilingus.

► Alternate Hot and Cold: “For even stronger sensations, use an ice cube to glide over the vulva, then blow warm breath, and repeat with the ice cube,” she suggests.

What’s the Best Position for Cunnilingus?

► The “easiest” position is where the woman lies on her back with her knees bent and thighs apart, while her partner lies on their stomach in parallel.

► The woman can stand up with her partner kneeling in front of her (though the sensations may be less intense).

► Alternatively, she can straddle her partner’s face with her legs apart. This position allows her to move her hips to the rhythm of her sensations and can facilitate orgasm.

Is 69 a good idea? It varies. For some women, “being stimulated while they stimulate their partner can be very arousing and allow them to let go more,” and it makes them less self-conscious about how they look during orgasm, Jessica Pirbay reports. However, for others, this position can make it harder to focus on their own pleasure as they are also performing oral sex, which can complicate achieving orgasm.

What If My Partner Doesn’t Like Cunnilingus?

“Like with oral sex on a man, the lack or absence of pleasure from cunnilingus can cause distress for a woman, potentially leading to a breakup or infidelity when the partner doesn’t enjoy it,” the sex therapist shares. “It could be about taste, smell, but often it’s about sexual conditioning.” Depending on the reasons and if the partner is willing to try:

• They can close their eyes to focus on the sensations they feel
• Create an erotic scenario in their head
• Touch themselves while performing cunnilingus
• “Lick just the top of the vulva, only the clitoral hood to avoid the wetness of the labia and vagina, alternate using a sex toy, an ice cube, their breath, massage the genitals with massage oil, use their finger to stimulate the clitoris. After all, the tongue isn’t the only tool for providing pleasure during cunnilingus.”

If the issue is more significant, consulting with a sex therapist can help overcome these barriers and open up new avenues of pleasure.

Thanks to Jessica Pirbay, sexuality coach, sex therapist, author of the book “Powerful and Orgasmic” published by Leduc and creator of the website Secret-therapy.fr