Post-Divorce Liberation: Philippine Treats Men as Objects, Breaking All Taboos!

My love story with my husband—which, before it ended in divorce, was a wonderful love story—started when I was 22 years old. I was coming out of a toxic and violent relationship, both psychologically and sexually. This past abuse caused many traumas in my relationship with the man who would become my ex-husband. We were together for seven years and got married after five. We were very young and hopeful, though I think I was far more ambitious than he was. By his side, I developed a caregiver syndrome. I had a very maternal side and felt a need to save someone, probably because until then, no one had been able to do that for me. Except for him. Ultimately, the relationship was falsely healthy. It was more surgical love than genuine, caring love, which created a real disparity in our behaviors.

For many years, I bore the weight of our relationship, both financially and emotionally. I was the cornerstone. I accepted his marriage proposal—it just seemed like the thing to do. So, I married him. But I soon realized that I had completely lost myself in the process.

A Liberating Divorce

“It was time to think about myself”

Especially after we married, he took me for granted and stopped making the efforts a marriage requires. As for our sex life, let’s not even talk about it—it had become nearly non-existent. Approaching my thirties, I had an awakening. I was tired of carrying the burden of an unhappy partnership. I filed for divorce, hoping to reclaim the youth I never fully experienced.

From the age of 18 to 29, I was in relationships that were not fulfilling. It was time for me to be selfish and discover who I was. I wanted to free myself from everything. From my parents as well, in a way. They took the divorce very hard. Being Catholic, it wasn’t something easily accepted. So, I took the time to accept and stand by my decisions, despite the opinions of those around me. Gradually, I rediscovered—or rather discovered—myself. Some friends, who were raised differently and have always been very open, supported me in this journey, particularly in exploring my sexuality and femininity, helping me to rebuild.

Exploring Online Dating

I started signing up for dating sites and wanted to try many different things. Initially, I was somewhat dependent on affection because I only knew myself as part of a couple. Gradually, I detached from all that, managing to see men simply as means to my sexual wellbeing. I let myself be carried away by my various encounters, took risks, and embarked on adventures, both with strangers and people from my circle.

“I took risks”

And even though I didn’t sleep with every man I met, the experience of flirting was enjoyable. I could attract attention. And it felt good to realize that. This period was a revelation. My charm, my charisma, my sex appeal—eventually, a kind of beauty that others could see in me. It freed me, both sexually and physically, while sexuality had always been a very taboo, even dangerous topic, having been sexually abused in my childhood and by the person I knew before my ex-husband. My divorce also allowed me to work on myself so that I no longer defined myself solely by my past experiences. I managed to see myself as more than a victim.

The men I met contributed significantly to this journey. They were more sexually mature than my ex-husband, and some were more open-minded. They played a crucial role in my quest to redefine myself. Being single opened the path for my reconstruction as a woman. Ultimately, my divorce was a liberation for me. And I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I’ve come to accept that some of my fantasies may be linked to my traumas. I’ve accepted that what excites me doesn’t necessarily excite everyone. I’ve accepted who I am, in all that entails. In a way, my divorce is my greatest achievement.