Replaced Your Kid’s Goldfish Secretly? Should You Tell Them the Truth?

Goldfish often serve as a child’s first pet. Kids love watching them swim around, rest, and especially enjoy feeding them. However, handling the situation when tragedy strikes can be tricky; we don’t want to cause them unnecessary distress. “I just couldn’t bear the thought of my son being devastated by the death of ‘Bubulle’, his beloved slightly blue fish,” shares Marie, a mother of two young children. Being separated from their father, the kids were with him that evening (fortunately for Marie). This gave her the entire weekend to find an identical fish! Her son paid such close attention that he would notice even the slightest difference. After cleaning the aquarium and saying her goodbyes to Bubulle, Marie set out to find a replacement.

After visiting several pet stores, she finally found the perfect look-alike! “I secretly swapped it with another one!” she admits. Her young son Arthur was none the wiser, except for a few minor details… “Mom, why does Bubulle have an extra stripe and why is he shinier than usual?” Fortunately, she could rely on his young age to sway him by explaining that he had simply molted, much like snakes do, and that as he grows, his skin changes. Like her, many parents concoct whimsical tales about rabbits taking long sun vacations or hamsters embarking on wild adventures.

So, should we dodge the topic to spare their feelings, or should we explain the death of the pet? According to experts, depending on the child’s age, this could be a good opportunity to discuss the subject. It is, indeed, a learning experience about life, as painful as it may be. Speak about it honestly and avoid using phrases like “he went away” or “he fell asleep” as young children may await their return or become anxious at bedtime. Brie Overton, who works with children grieving a lost loved one, recommends being straightforward, using words like “dead” or “his body stopped working” for younger kids.

Depending on the circumstances of the death, experts also encourage children to say a final goodbye to their pet and to express their feelings openly. Books on this theme can also help children understand and cope with grief. It also provides an opportunity for some families to discuss the loss in a cultural or spiritual context.

For Marie, this little white lie is akin to making children believe in Santa Claus or that the tooth fairy will visit. It preserves their innocence and the joy of childhood a bit longer, without introducing sorrow into their young world. “He’ll have plenty of time to face life’s challenges later, and we’ll prepare him for that when it’s time,” she confides.