Revealed: The True Time It Takes to Move On and Forget Your Ex!

It’s not just about stopping to love or convincing ourselves that “it was for the best.” Love leaves a deep imprint on the brain: routines, memories, emotional reflexes… all remain etched, sometimes for a very long time. That’s why, even years later, a single detail — a scent, a street, a song — can trigger sensations we thought were long forgotten. Recovering from a breakup isn’t about erasing a memory. It’s about gradually dismantling an attachment built over time and reconstructing, brick by brick, a new version of oneself.

And this process takes time, according to a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science. Conducted with over 300 participants, it highlights two factors that significantly extend the duration of romantic mourning: attachment style and maintaining contact. Individuals with anxious or dependent attachment styles naturally take longer to move past a breakup. Their brains cling to the idea of “fixing” or “regaining” what was lost. Meanwhile, those who continue to keep in touch with their ex — even through seemingly harmless actions like a like, a message, or a friendly meeting — unintentionally prolong their own suffering. Each interaction rekindles the emotional circuits associated with the past relationship and delays internal rebuilding.

According to the researchers, for the romantic imprint to truly fade, it might take almost a decade. Exactly eight years. It’s not a rule but an average. Some breakups heal faster while others leave more subtle scars. The best approach, ultimately, is not to try to forget at all costs, but to accept this lengthy period. And to make the most of it. Taking care of oneself, changing habits, creating new memories, exploring new projects, and surrounding oneself with supportive people all help the brain reorganize, detach, and improve. Severing even virtual ties with an ex also remains a powerful lever to soothe emotions and gradually regain inner freedom. Because getting through a breakup isn’t about going against oneself, but with oneself. Not by erasing the past, but by building, day after day, a present that more closely aligns with who we are becoming.