“Stop Being So Sensitive!” – Why This Phrase Can Wreck Your Relationship

Some phrases appear harmless, almost trivial… yet, they carry a significantly negative impact than one might assume. Far from alleviating marital tensions, they can intensify them, obstruct dialogue, or create emotional distance. There is one phrase in particular that deserves to be unpacked. According to Dr. Sébastien Garnero, a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, and sexologist, saying “you’re too sensitive, you’re overreacting” seriously harms communication within a couple. “Denying or minimizing the other’s emotions essentially invalidates them. It’s as if we’re refusing to acknowledge their feelings. This often unconscious mechanism can become toxic, as it overlooks the emotional subjectivity of the other, as if their emotional experience is exaggerated or even illegitimate,” he explains.

However, there is a spectrum in this type of dynamic. What may start as a benign attitude can evolve into a form of emotional micromanagement, often exercised almost unconsciously. For some, diminishing another’s emotions is a way to shield themselves, to avoid confronting emotional reactions they are unable to handle. Thus, phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting” are not always uttered with genuine malice.

Occasionally, this stance can lead to affective indifference, characterized by a lack of empathy and a form of abdication of responsibility: “You’re the one exaggerating,” “the problem is you.” “At a more advanced—and more toxic—level, this can even turn into a strategy of gaslighting. This technique, often found in narcissistic personalities, involves making the other doubt their reality, feelings, or even their identity,” the specialist continues. Such relational patterns are detrimental to self-esteem. “When someone is consistently told they are ‘too sensitive,’ they often begin to internalize the notion that their emotions are abnormal, inappropriate, or even problematic. This leads them to doubt the legitimacy of their feelings,” decrypts the clinical psychologist.

Over time, emotional asymmetry may develop

Gradually, this can lead to emotional blockages: out of fear of being judged, criticized, or misunderstood, the individual may choose to remain silent. They stop confiding in others, withdrawing into themselves. As a result, on a relational level, this weakens the psychological intimacy of the couple. Over time, an emotional asymmetry may develop: one partner becomes the voice of reason, while the other is seen as “too emotional.” This unbalanced dynamic often leads to tension, emotional disengagement, or even a breakup when emotional dialogue has become impossible.

To reestablish healthy emotional communication, Dr. Sébastien Garnero advises recognizing the other’s feelings, even if one does not share the same emotions or struggles to relate to them. This includes being mindful of how one speaks. Choosing to use “I” statements instead of “you” can help avoid accusatory language, which can quickly put the other on the defensive. For instance, instead of questioning what the other feels, one could say: “I see that expressing this is important to you, and I am ready to listen.” “This approach opens the door to genuine dialogue, where the other’s emotions are acknowledged, heard, and validated. At the same time, it is also possible to express one’s own feelings without dismissing the other’s words, creating a more balanced and respectful exchange space for each individual’s subjectivities,” concludes our expert.

Special thanks to Dr. Sébastien Garnero, clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, and sexologist.