Why More Couples Over 50 Are Choosing Divorce: Unveiling “Gray Divorce” Trends!

In 1990 in France, among the divorces finalized, 10% of women and 14% of men were aged 50 or older. By 2010, these figures had increased to 24% for women and 32% for men, and by 2020, 47% of women and 37% of men were over 50 at the time of their divorce. Known as “gray divorce,” this phenomenon is part of a global trend: in the United States, it accounts for one in four divorces. While the rise can be attributed to simpler procedures and easier access to legal information, especially online, societal factors also play a significant role.

The End of Compromises

According to Christian Richomme, a psychoanalyst and author who has written extensively on romantic relationships, the increase in divorces among those over 50, referred to as “gray divorce,” is partly due to the culture of personal development. Prioritizing personal fulfillment has become acceptable, unlike previous generations who might have endured unhappy marriages out of moral conviction. “The notion that you had to stay with the same partner for life was deeply ingrained. That idea is now widely challenged. If our partner doesn’t meet our needs, we are more likely to consider separation because our happiness is a priority.” For women, the reevaluation of marriage has been enabled by greater financial independence. Previously reliant on their spouses, they are now free to end a marriage without fear for their economic stability. This empowerment explains why women are often the initiators of gray divorces.

Certain life milestones can also trigger late divorces, such as children leaving home. This moment marks a turning point in a couple’s dynamic: “When you suddenly find yourself face-to-face with your partner, you might realize that something isn’t working and that problems previously ignored or minimized have resurfaced,” notes Christian Richomme. This realization might have been suppressed by the burdens of family responsibilities: “Several patients have told me they waited for their children to leave home before daring to ask for a divorce. They feel they have fulfilled their parental duties and can now think of themselves without guilt.”

Retirement, a Catalyst for Divorce

Transitioning to retirement also acts as a catalyst: “It’s a major upheaval in a couple’s life to be together all day instead of just in the evenings and on weekends.” This sudden closeness can expose differences in desires and lead some couples to reevaluate their future together. This reassessment becomes even more significant in the context of increased life expectancy. With many years of freedom ahead, the desire to start anew, alone or with another partner, can become compelling.

While these late-in-life divorces offer a chance to start a new chapter that aligns with personal expectations, they remain difficult choices that some perceive as failures: “When you’ve been married a long time, you might feel like you’ve invested in a relationship for nothing, throwing away many years of life together,” analyzes Christian Richomme. For him, it is important to view separation not as a loss but as an experience: “A relationship that ends always teaches us something about who we are, how we want to love and be loved.”

A further step on the path to self-discovery, then, which can open up new romantic possibilities: “We know what is right for us, which is not always the case in our 20s or 30s. This discernment, which comes with age, allows for more fulfilling encounters.” For the psychoanalyst, “no matter our age, if we are in a situation of suffering, we need to get out. Just because we age does not mean we do not deserve happiness.”

*Source: Ministry of Justice