5 Body Intuitions You Should Never Ignore in Early Love Stages

At the beginning of a romantic relationship, it’s common to be completely enamored and excited. The thrill, the desire to impress, and the dreams we build can cloud our judgment. However, amidst this whirlwind, our body still communicates subtly yet profoundly. To understand what it’s trying to tell us, we must first “understand what an emotion is,” starts Aurore Malet-Karas, a doctor in neuroscience, sexologist, and couple therapist. “An emotion is a mix of three elements: a physical signal—like a racing heart, tight stomach, or a rush of adrenaline, the context it occurs in, and then, we layer on our personal history, our culture, our way of interpreting what we feel.” In other words, our feelings are never “pure” or isolated. They are colored by our experiences, fears, and hopes, which sometimes makes it hard to distinguish between a real warning and a projected fear.

Recognizing and understanding these bodily intuitions is not straightforward. “If you were raised in an environment that valued emotional awareness, you might find it easier to interpret these signals. However, many people were taught to suppress their emotions and ignore them,” admits Aurore Malet-Karas. Moreover, our personal histories can also obscure these interpretations. “Someone who has just come out of a painful relationship does not enter a new one with a clean slate. We carry our baggage, insecurities, and wounds with us.” So, what bodily signals should alert us that we might not be on the path to happiness?

1. Constant tension (not just nerves): as if you need to monitor yourself, weigh each word, make a good impression. The body stays tense, shoulders raised, breathing shallow. This is more than just shyness—it often signals that you don’t feel entirely safe.
2. A stomach knot, a lump in your throat: each meeting is preceded by anxiety, sometimes accompanied by digestive issues, nausea, or loss of appetite. The nervous system acts as if it’s anticipating danger, not joy.
3. Low energy after seeing them: you leave feeling drained, either nervously or physically, even if nothing “bad” happened. It’s hard to regain your energy, you feel the need to withdraw, or you fall into ruminations.
4. A body that never truly relaxes: even during a hug or a calm conversation, it’s impossible to loosen the jaws, stomach, or shoulders. Yet, a healthy relationship allows the body to relax, which is an essential criterion.
5. A total lack of desire or impulse: no urge to kiss or touch the other person. The body remains cold, closed off. You might convince yourself that “it will come with time,” but the body often knows right away whether it’s attracted or not.

Some signals can be misleading. Intense excitement, for example, when your heart races and you feel an adrenaline rush at the start of a relationship, can be “very deceptive.” “Because this adrenaline surge is normal, especially in the attraction phase. It activates sexual hormones like testosterone or progesterone. But it’s not always an indicator of safety or compatibility,” the therapist acknowledges. Hence, it’s important to differentiate between a chill that uplifts us and tension that contracts us. The right signals, however, do not deceive. “Generally, people instinctively recognize them: it’s the feeling of being well, being soothed, and not having to look over your shoulder.” Thus, regardless of the relationship stage, the absence of a signal is a real signal. To illustrate this, Aurore Malet-Karas borrows a powerful phrase from medicine: “Health is the silence of the organs.” If the body sends no alerts, it means it’s safe.

Thanks to Aurore Malet-Karas, doctor in neuroscience, sexologist, and couple therapist.