When Love Turns Toxic: Couple’s Therapist Reveals the Precise Moment

Every love story involves adjustments and compromises. Initially, during the “honeymoon” phase, it seems as though we are transforming. We adopt our partner’s habits, share their preferences, and align our desires with theirs. When the relationship is healthy, “we continue to thrive in our own interests, feeling supported and celebrated by our partner. Love nourishes and energizes us,” explains couples therapist Aurore Berbudeau. However, if passion gradually fades and isolation sets in, it’s a cause for concern.

In some relationships, the damage doesn’t happen abruptly but deteriorates slowly over time. This can manifest in small compromises, like saying “yes” when we mean “no,” suppressing our needs to avoid conflict, or tolerating behaviors we would find unacceptable in a friend. “Often, we hide our true selves because of a deep-seated fear of not being loved for who we are,” remarks the therapist. This fear often stems from childhood experiences or past relationships.

According to psychology experts, a relationship turns destructive the moment we no longer recognize ourselves. “Losing oneself means drifting away from our core identity.” We act against our values, desires, and personality. “We feel completely erased, dimmed, disconnected from our essence and authenticity,” adds the professional. It can even extend to playing a role, “like behaving more ‘detached’ or ‘cool’ to sustain an already fragile connection.” This sense of disconnection and gradual erasure is a red flag. It is not a sign of weakness—so no self-blame—but indicative of a deeper wound.

“Toxic relationships affect our mental state—emotional exhaustion, anger, irritability—and our physical appearance; our complexion dulls, our expression dims, and we neglect personal care…” This slow erosion ultimately leads to a choice. The choice to stay and continue losing oneself, or to leave and refocus on one’s own life. “It’s as if we’re faced with a blank page and everything is yet to be written; while often seen as a misfortune, I see it as an opportunity to reconnect with our true selves,” concludes Aurore Berbudeau.