Top Worst Reasons to Stay in a Relationship: This One Tops the List!

Love is certainly not a smooth journey. Some relationships should have ended after the first month or even after many years of marriage, yet they persist. Why? Therapist Mélanie Frison sheds light on this by identifying the false pretexts that keep us in unsatisfactory relationships, starting with staying together out of habit. “We tell ourselves, ‘I’m not happy, but this is what couple life is.’ We get used to the lack of love, affection, and passion. We get used to dissatisfaction,” Mélanie explains. When routine conceals dissatisfaction or a lack of love, it’s crucial to examine our true feelings. Similarly, we shouldn’t stay in a relationship just because we’ve invested a lot in it. “It’s like gambling: you keep betting because you think, ‘I’ve already invested so much, I can’t stop now, or I’ll lose everything.’ I agreed, I was unhappy for too long… I can’t stop now,” the therapist emphasizes. This mindset is harmful as it keeps us committed to a relationship that doesn’t suit us.

Nor should we stay with someone just for the sake of family or friends. “For some people, being in a relationship is more important than being happy,” Mélanie Frison comments. The fear of judgment, disappointing others, or being seen as unable to maintain a stable relationship can be significant. Some people stay in relationships to maintain an image, fearing how others might view them if they left. “The person who wants to leave their partner thinks, ‘What will others think?’ and loses themselves in that process.” For others, often women, financial concerns are a stumbling block to ending a relationship. In such cases, the expert advises preparation: “Having a small job, some income, or a financial cushion to fall back on can help,” she says. A prenuptial agreement or a similar arrangement can also provide security in the event of a breakup. Children are also a poor excuse for staying with someone who does not make us happy. “It’s not the children, nor their arrival or departure, that disrupts a relationship, but rather the deterioration of the romantic bond between the parents,” Mélanie Frison reminds us. Staying just for the children can distort their understanding of love.

Another poor reason to stay with someone, which trumps all others, is the fear of being alone. “This is one of the strongest drivers of attachment. For some, being alone is dreadful. They would rather be unhappy together than face this fear alone.” Engaging in activities alone, such as watching a movie in a theater, visiting a museum, or having a coffee on a terrace, can help one reconcile with solitude. Moreover, the expert points out that mere attachment does not justify a relationship. “Being attached to your partner as you are to a sibling is a good reason to leave them.” According to her, “to love is to choose to be with someone, accepting their virtues and faults. You think, ‘It’s with you that I want to continue.’ Attachment is often a form of dependency.”

Lastly, merely thinking “it could be worse” is a typical rationale in dysfunctional relationships but is not a sufficient reason to stay together. We become accustomed to the absence of love, affection, or passion. However, as the therapist points out: “Getting used to dissatisfaction is a bad reason to stay in a relationship, as we deserve to thrive and be happy in our relationships.”

Thanks to Mélanie Frison, therapist and coach specializing in romantic relationships.