5 Wrong Reasons to Get Married, According to Psychologists

Every year, around 250,000 weddings are celebrated in France. However, some say “I do” for the wrong reasons. “There’s a misconception that marriage automatically brings happiness,” points out Véronique Kohn, a psychologist specializing in love relationships. “The fairy tale of the perfect prince still exists: some women mistakenly believe they need a husband to protect them for life,” she adds. Before saying “yes” and planning the big day, Kohn suggests considering the poor motivations for marriage to avoid future regrets.

Mistake #1: Marrying for money. Is marriage a means to financial security? Marrying to potentially escape the financial challenges of single life? Clearly, this is a misguided reason to wed someone. “Some people might seek security: ‘If I marry a man with money, I’ll secure my future,'” Kohn explains. “It’s like granting oneself social power and proving one’s worth.”

Mistake #2: Marrying to please your family. Getting married might be an attempt to make your parents happy, therefore going through with the ceremony because it meets their expectations, not yours. “It’s not always a conscious decision,” emphasizes Kohn. “Parental pressure isn’t always overt. However, in some cases, there is a certain adherence to parental norms, as if to continue being loved by one’s parents.”

Mistake #3: Marrying to avoid ending up “alone”. As years pass, the fear of being alone in the future can be daunting. If emotional solitude is driving the marriage, it’s not a sound reason to commit. “It’s a fear of lacking love and stability,” Kohn adds. Some individuals with deeper emotional wounds may also seek marriage to find the affection and love they may have lacked. However, it is not the spouse’s role to fulfill these emotional needs. Mistake #4: Marrying to possess the other person. For those who are jealous, marriage might seem like a way to control their partner. However, this commitment does not (and should not) strip the spouse of their free will.

Mistake #5: Marrying due to social norms. Everyone else is getting married, so why not you? If conformity is driving your decision, it might be worth questioning whether you truly want to formalize the union or if you’re just following the crowd. “For some, there is a desire to conform to societal norms, whether imposed by friends or family,” explains the psychologist. Furthermore, “there’s a lingering idea that marriage is a gateway to salvation and thus a promise of happiness, but one can certainly find fulfillment in life without taking on the role of a spouse.”