Every Teen Faces This Issue: Psychologist Reveals What Parents Don’t Want to Know!

As parents of teenagers, we often reflect that we’ve been through similar experiences ourselves, and we have an inkling of what our kids go through every day. However, as the generational gap widens, attitudes and habits evolve, particularly with social media and the increasingly early exposure to new technologies. Most of the time, parents feel overwhelmed. They try to implement parental controls to restrict certain online content and protect their kids, which is generally advisable. Yet, in reality, young people are quite adept at bypassing these restrictions if they choose to, notes Vincent Joly, a psychologist for children and adolescents. He identifies this as a significant, widespread problem among youth.

A 2018 OpinionWay survey revealed that nearly one in three 12-year-olds has been exposed to pornographic content, and 62% of youth reported encountering their first pornographic images before starting high school, that is, before age 15. “The commonality among all teens is their relationship with images—these brief, unscripted contents show everything, including rape scenes. It doesn’t mean they watch regularly, but they have all seen such content before their first sexual encounter,” the psychologist confirms.

While they do see these images, it does not necessarily mean that teens will want to emulate what they see: “Fortunately, for the majority, it does not lead to consequences, and most are neither fascinated nor traumatized by it,” the specialist assures. However, for those who do “copy,” “it’s a disaster, and public authorities have started to recognize this.” From a parental perspective, it remains a taboo subject: “It’s completely swept under the rug; parents don’t want to acknowledge it—it’s too shocking,” says Vincent Joly. In fact, viewing pornographic images has become very common among youths who primarily use them for masturbation. The problem, “is that it involves very raw content that presents unrealistic depictions of sexuality.”

The worst part is that some children encounter these images by accident, through a “pop up” window, and then it becomes shocking. “We are in an era where emphasis is placed on consent, respecting partners, and not imposing one’s desires on another, yet the discovery of sexuality is through pornographic images, which is completely contradictory!” Vincent Joly criticizes. He believes all adolescents are affected, “regardless of the social environment, the child’s age, or the parents’ status“.

When advising young clients who have viewed this type of content, the psychologist uses a simple comparison with horror movies to help them realize that reality is nothing like that. “The bodies aren’t the same, the content is very violent, but it’s nothing like a fight in the schoolyard. If young people want to get their driver’s license, it won’t be like in Fast & Furious… Essentially, porn is similar: a carnivalesque portrayal of sexuality where everything is exaggerated compared to real life“, he explains.

He also advises parents to make their children aware of the reality, starting at the ages of 9-10. If you’re looking for the right moment to talk to them, it could be when setting up parental controls, explaining why, and simply warning them of the dangers. It could be helpful to be upfront: “On the internet, there are violent images, and I don’t want you to see people killing each other, or naked doing strange things“. Being forewarned about the risks will make the shock less severe if they are exposed.