Exam Stress Alert: How to Avoid Passing Your Anxiety to Your Kids

The countdown has begun. From middle school finals to high school graduation exams and university end-of-year tests, June becomes a marathon month for students. Revision notes pile up, calendars fill, and discussions about upcoming deadlines can dominate conversations. In this scenario, parents naturally try to support their children. However, some behaviors, even with the best intentions, can backfire.

Caroline Maitrot, the founder of Nomad Education, an app dedicated to academic support, often observes this phenomenon among the teenagers she works with. She notes a telltale sign that a student is experiencing pressure beyond academics. “The most telling sign is when the student stops talking about the exam itself but about their parents’ reaction. They don’t say, ‘I’m afraid of failing,’ but rather, ‘I don’t want to disappoint them.’ The focus then shifts from academic performance to seeking family approval.” The exam then becomes not just a personal goal but also a way to meet family expectations.

If she had to ask parents to stop one thing before exams, the expert would not hesitate to say: “Stop making the exam the central topic of family life. The more we talk about a deadline as if it’s decisive, the more it occupies the child’s mind.” She believes that this is when the interest in studying slowly turns into pressure. Indeed, some parents, eager to help, end up being overly involved in organizing their child’s study schedule. “Many parents try to optimize revision time, set up schedules, and remind their children of what’s left to do. Yet, during adolescence, success also comes from learning to be independent. You assist a young person more by letting them manage their preparation than by trying to do it for them,” Maitrot reminds us.

Repetitive questioning can also be problematic. “Are you ready?” “Did you study well?” “Are you sure you’re not forgetting anything?” These questions may reassure adults, but they aren’t always perceived that way by students. “Often, the child hears it as constant evaluation. Even if the question is well-intended, it can be seen as an additional source of stress.” Teenagers generally know what they need to do. They are aware of the dates, content, and stakes. Constant reminders do not enhance their preparedness but can intensify the feeling of being watched or judged.

To truly support a teenager, Caroline Maitrot suggests shifting the focus of conversations. “Asking ‘How do you feel?’ is often more helpful than asking ‘How many chapters have you reviewed?’ Emotional support usually has more impact than academic monitoring in the final days.” Students also need to discuss other topics, maintain regular life moments, and take breaks between study sessions.