Is It Normal to Not Always Like Your Partner? Find Out Here!

It’s an unspoken feeling, often laced with guilt. Even in strong relationships, it’s possible to sometimes feel annoyance, indifference, or even physical aversion instead of love. Is it normal to feel this way? Could this be the beginning of the end? Our sex therapist and couples counselor, Charlotte de Buzon, clarifies these doubts for us.

“There are two terms to consider: ‘loving’ and ‘being in love,'” the expert immediately explains. While early stages of a relationship might feel like “an addiction to the other person” where one desires to be together all the time, this intense passion phase doesn’t last forever. “Gradually, it fades into a different kind of love, perhaps a calmer one,” she continues. Over time, perspectives shift. Stress, fatigue, and the mental load, which still predominantly falls on women, can create fertile ground for growing apart. A simple argument or annoyance can suddenly “make us see our partner in a different light and feel as though our love is dissipating,” she adds.

In response to the critical question “Is this normal?”, our expert reassuringly answers “yes.” “It’s impossible to be in love all the time. It seems obvious that there will be ups and downs.” It’s entirely possible not to feel affection for your partner one day, thinking “you’re annoying me, you’re irritating me” because they are not meeting your expectations at that moment, and then feel close again the next day “because we laughed together, because we had a good time,” Charlotte de Buzon elaborates.

The key is to stay attuned to your feelings: if when you think of your partner, you recall mostly negative aspects, feel tired or want to criticize, it might indicate that your feelings are not in a great place. This lack of affection might just be temporary and doesn’t necessarily spell the end of the relationship. It could be a healthy warning signal, a reminder not to take the relationship for granted.

Charlotte de Buzon advises communicating when you feel this disaffection, but in the right way. You shouldn’t bluntly say “I don’t love you right now.” That would be harsh and counterproductive. “Saying ‘I feel like we’re drifting apart’ is much nicer.” The goal is to foster constructive dialogue, ideally during a dedicated time away from home and daily stresses, to conduct a “review.” It’s about identifying what each person needs to feel good without resorting to constant criticism. These periods of doubt, although challenging, often provide an opportunity for renewal. As the sexologist reminds us: “Nothing is guaranteed in love, ever, and the fact that you question things and recognize that it could end, can also give a new boost.”

Special thanks to Charlotte de Buzon, sexologist, couples therapist, and co-author with Valentine Birnbaum of “There’s No Mystery in Sex” (published by Marabout).