Married to a Bisexual Man: How Our Love Survives! (Marion, 42)

I was 27 years old when I first met Noah. Honestly, I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship. Love wasn’t high on my priority list and I was quite content being single. However, some of my close friends were persistent; they wanted me to experience true love! One evening, I met up with friends for dinner. Unbeknownst to me, they had invited Noah, who had been single for a while. They believed we were a perfect match… and I quickly found I couldn’t disagree! I was immediately charmed by Noah. From the moment the evening began, he captivated my attention. We shared a passion for mountain climbing and French comedies, which led to many engaging and humorous deep conversations.

The Start of a Beautiful Love Story

The day after that wonderful dinner, I received a message from Noah. Upon inquiring with my friends, I learned that he was single and, according to them, absolutely perfect for me. Despite both of us being fiercely independent, we quickly became inseparable. My friends were right to play Cupid: our chemistry was undeniable, whether in humor, intellect, or sexuality. Over fifteen years with Noah, we faced many challenges… but I never felt bored!

Given our love for mountain climbing and our desire for freedom, we decided not to have children. It was a well-considered mutual decision, especially since our love for each other was fulfilling enough. Noah and I always maintained an open line of communication, making concerted efforts to keep our dialogue healthy regardless of the hurdles we faced. The only somewhat taboo topic was our past relationships, which we rarely discussed. However, Noah began acting cold and distant, which was out of character for him. He was overwhelmed with work, felt disconnected from his job, and lacked time for projects that excited him. Initially, I thought he was just going through a rough patch. But after a few weeks, I started to grow concerned. After attempting to discuss it, I decided to give him the space he needed.

A Time for Revelations

A few days later, Noah came home and said he needed to talk. I was relieved he wanted to communicate. With a serious look, he confessed he had something important to tell me. I urged him to share, feeling confident… but I was not prepared for his revelation! Noah explained that he had always been bisexual. While he was attracted to both men and women, he had only been in love with one man before. Two questions kept repeating in my head: why had he hidden this for so long and why was he telling me now? After a few minutes, I dared to ask him. Noah reminded me that early in our relationship, we had clearly avoided discussing our exes. It was true: the first time he brought it up, I immediately told him I was aware he had a romantic past and that I respected it, but I didn’t want to talk about it. Over the years, we did occasionally mention past relationships, just to share a memory. However, we briefly mentioned the names of our exes with a neutrality that implied nothing ambiguous. I knew he had been with someone named Maëlle. But I never imagined that Maëlle was actually a man named Maël.

Noah explained that he never intended to hide his bisexuality from me. Knowing I didn’t want to hear about his past relationships, he had lumped his ex-girlfriends and boyfriends together. And I couldn’t blame him—I had explicitly expressed my desire not to discuss them! Why would he bring it up? Noah then confessed that if he was telling me now, it was because enough time had passed and he felt our relationship was strong enough to handle it. But also—and importantly—because he had been working with a man he found himself attracted to. For years, his bisexuality had been dormant: he hadn’t been attracted to any men. But for several weeks, this part of his sexuality had reemerged, though it remained purely platonic.

The Confession of Bisexuality

Shaken, my heart raced and I was scared to hear more. After a few seconds of silence, I gathered my courage and asked if he wanted to act on his attraction to his colleague. “Absolutely not! In fifteen years, I’ve been attracted to other women, but I never wanted to stray. For me, it’s exactly the same with this man.” He explained that if he had been acting strangely, it was because he was surprised by his attraction to this man. After some deep personal reflection, he decided our relationship was strong enough for him to share this with me. Throughout our conversation, I realized Noah was discussing his bisexuality purely to be transparent. He expected nothing from me and knew this man was just a fleeting fantasy. Noah also mentioned that this period of reflection had allowed him to rethink his life. He found no interest in his job anymore and had decided to leave that professional life behind.

About a year after the revelations from Noah, I see that rather than being a problem, it has made us stronger. While it’s certainly unusual to learn that your spouse is bisexual after 15 years of being together, I know it changes nothing between us. Whether it’s our sexuality or our intellectual connection, this complete transparency has brought us even closer than before!