Parenting Breakthrough: Understanding the Crucial Balance Between Love and Limits!

In recent times, a significant number of parents have shifted towards positive and nurturing parenting approaches. Instead of resorting to punishments or yelling, they focus on encouragement, empathy, and the reinforcement of positive behaviors, all within an atmosphere of mutual respect and kindness. Essentially, the goal is to support the child in understanding their emotions, learning to handle frustrations, and building self-confidence, all without exerting control. However, according to Caroline Goldman, a child psychologist known for her critical views on the French style of positive parenting, there are limits to this educational approach, particularly one that many parents unknowingly implement.

In her latest book, “Today’s Parenting Guide” (published by Flammarion), Goldman discusses this issue in detail. She points out that parents who favor positive parenting often confuse a child’s need for love with their need for educational boundaries. “This approach assumes that any crying, any tension, any act of defiance or demand from a child is an indicator of a need for reassurance about their parents’ love,” she emphasizes.

Yet, in most cases, a well-adjusted child who is not suffering and has the support of both parents, “inevitably calls for educational boundaries at some point in their development, usually starting from the age of one,” Goldman explains. Simply put, they need structure and boundaries to understand how to behave and particularly to cope with the “normal frustrations of life.”

“Crying to be loved and crying for boundaries are not the same thing. A very young child who cries because they fell off their bike needs comfort… But a child who is well-loved and has a privileged life, who throws lasagna on their six-month-old sister’s head just to make her cry… is calling for educational boundaries,” Goldman states in her book. Without clear educational limits, while the child may be free, this freedom can be destructive for them in the long term.