Starting Over: Life Tips for Widows Seeking New Beginnings

It might seem impossible to contemplate finding happiness again after losing a beloved spouse, yet the option to rebuild one’s life as a widow or widower should be acknowledged. “It’s common to feel torn between the desire not to be alone by finding new love or companionship, and the feeling of being stuck in pain and guilt over being happy again after a spouse has passed. Conversely, some may prefer to remain single. Both feelings are legitimate, and it’s important not to pass judgment on these individual choices. Everyone has their own psychological timing and copes with their spouse’s loss in their own way,” explains Amélie Boukhobza, a clinical psychologist.

The initial step after losing a spouse is to address the grieving process because turning the page cannot happen in a single day. “In my view, the priority is to allow oneself time,” the expert advises. “The grieving process generally lasts about a year, although this duration can vary from person to person.” “It’s crucial to clear out various burdens, including any guilt and regrets one might hold. It’s also very important to sweep away any negative beliefs about oneself.” The connection you had with your partner is broken. Over time, a new bond, a new form of connection will form with the deceased, once their death is real to you and accepted.

It’s essential to allow space for your emotions, whether it’s a need for freedom, peace, or a desire to move on. Life does not stop after the death of a loved one. Life must go on. “We don’t live with ghosts. Part of rebuilding when you’re a widow or widower involves clearing out the deceased’s belongings, reinventing your living spaces, daily routines, and activities, with the hope that life will resume,” advises the psychologist.

No matter the age, it’s important to engage in activities, whether they are work-related, sports, or artistic, either alone or in a group. Gardening, volunteering, singing classes, walking groups, painting workshops—anything that helps make new connections, without necessarily aiming to find new love. “It’s crucial to let life take its course again, otherwise, there’s a risk of remaining with the dead and not freeing oneself. Everything in its own time is true, but a widowed person must progressively improve week by week to gradually bring a new sense of normalcy back into their life.”

Special thanks to Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist.