Teachers Reveal: The Key Phrase to Tell Your Child on Their First Day of School

The start of a new school year can be a tense time for both children and parents, and often, parents may find themselves more anxious than their kids! “Often, parents who think they need to reassure their child are actually projecting their own fears,” explains Emilie Hanrot, an elementary school teacher and author of Enjoying School (Hachette pratique) and the associated Instagram account.

The case of a child’s first school day is particularly unique as it marks a significant milestone. This can be a source of nervousness not just for the child but also for the parents. To calm their children when dropping them off, Clothilde, a preschool principal, suggests saying “See you later” instead of “Goodbye”, as it provides the child with a timeframe for pickup and reassures them that the separation is only temporary.

While the choice of words is crucial, Emilie Hanrot, who also wrote Come in, don’t be scared… (Grund editions), points out that demeanor plays a significant role. “The shorter, the better. Long goodbyes are painful for everyone. The more a child sees that their crying keeps their parent around, the harder they will cry, thinking it will make their parent stay. It’s not about running away without a goodbye, but rather about having the courage to simply tell your child: ‘We drop off the bag, give a kiss, I leave you with your teacher, and then I must go.’ Adults should also avoid conveying any stress or fears about school that the child might not have considered, or giving the impression that they are fearful or sad about the start of school. Children are indeed ’emotional sponges’ and can start to feel anxious themselves.

If a child is apprehensive, it’s good to listen to them before and after school so they can express their feelings. As Emilie Hanrot emphasizes, even with the best intentions, it’s important to be careful not to dismiss their feelings with purely factual responses, such as ‘That’s just how it is,’ ‘Going to school is mandatory,’ which might lead to the child feeling ‘unheard and disrespected in their emotions.’ ‘A child expressing a concern doesn’t necessarily want solutions but rather for their emotions to be acknowledged,’ she points out. Also, making promises about uncontrollable outcomes (‘Everything will be fine,’ ‘You’ll make lots of friends’, etc.) can set up potential disappointments and misunderstandings.