Unlock the Secrets to Orgasm: Best Positions, Erogenous Zones & More!

To experience the eruption of pleasure that is an orgasm, there is no magic checklist to follow. It’s a combination of various factors that facilitate its occurrence. Importantly, one should not force it every time and shouldn’t pressure oneself. Orgasms happen when least expected. Women, in particular, have the capability for multiple orgasms unlike men who go through a “resolution phase” (loss of erection) after their first orgasm with ejaculation. “When she is aroused, a woman will climax and she might experience several orgasms, depending on the circumstances and stimulation,” reminds Virginie Quérard Clarenc, a sexologist and couples therapist. What areas should be stimulated to achieve an orgasm? What are the right circumstances for having an orgasm? Insights and valuable advice from our expert.

Stimulate the Whole Body, a Vast Erogenous Zone

“For a long time, we distinguished between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, but in reality, it’s the same. It involves stimulation of the clitoris, whether internally or externally,” Virginie starts off. However, it can also occur following anal stimulation. Indeed, an orgasm can be achieved from stimulating any part of the body. Because “the entire body is an erogenous zone. It’s a matter of training. The brain plays a significant role in this arousal,” explains the sexologist. No matter the erogenous zones, primary (breasts, buttocks, genitals), or secondary (the rest of the body), stimulating them during intercourse is always a good idea.

Take Your Time to Enjoy the Moment

“When making love, it’s important to take your time, allow yourself to be uncertain of the outcome, and surrender to your sensations,” Virginie advises. She emphasizes the importance of being in the present moment. “To reach an orgasm, you need to be in your body, to feel it.” She encourages asking oneself: What do I feel when I’m touched and when I touch? Connect then to each of the five senses, one after the other, to what is seen, heard, felt. Focusing on the moment and on your partner, rather than on a relentless quest for performance and orgasm, makes the sexual experience more enjoyable and allows for pleasure. Do not hesitate to guide your partner to enhance desire and pleasure: whether it’s intensifying a caress with their hand or using their tongue differently.

“The orgasm is the icing on the cake, but first, there’s the cake, and it’s delicious”

Letting Go, a Nearly Essential Condition

To facilitate the arrival of an orgasm, letting go is crucial. Having a free mind, and being completely relaxed are nearly essential conditions to give in to ultimate ecstasy. How?

► Create the right ambiance: choose a place where you feel comfortable to make love, a time when you won’t be interrupted, play music you like, light a candle with a scent you love…

► Trust yourself and your partner. To be able to let go and perhaps, experience an orgasm, trusting your partner is crucial. “This doesn’t mean being in a long-term relationship, but feeling safe and trusted,” Virginie points out. She also notes the importance of self-confidence. It’s hard to let go if you’re self-conscious, “being with a supportive partner who enhances this well-being regarding body image, appreciating the other’s body, is important.”

► Be curious. Having curiosity about sexuality and a positive outlook, helps in letting go.

► Don’t aim for the orgasm. Often, when it is too eagerly anticipated, it is hard to feel. “The orgasm is the icing on the cake, but first, there’s the cake, and it’s delicious,” Virginie confides.

Masturbation to Better Know Your Body

A good understanding of your body and desires, particularly through masturbation, aids in letting go and the potential arrival of an orgasm. “If you know yourself and your sensations, you know what you like and what feels good.” And don’t hesitate to incorporate what you do alone into your partnered sex life. To make the body recognize, Virginie recommends, “bring your personal recipe into your shared recipe, and vice-versa”. This approach allows your body to experience sensations it already enjoys.

Positions: “It’s Best to Try Several”

“It’s truly an individual experience, as we all have different physiological peculiarities and preferences,” Virginie states. Some women need significant clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm, while others may prefer internal stimulation, hence positions that enhance sensations during penetration. Whether it be cowgirl, doggy style, or missionary, it’s necessary to try several to discover which ones lead to orgasm for you. An intimate game to explore oneself deeper and perhaps experience numerous sensations.

“When we have orgasms, our brain tends to think more often and more spontaneously about making love”

Having Sex Regularly to Stimulate Your Brain

When a woman is erotically stimulated, a signal is sent via the spinal cord to the brain, increasing and promoting sexual excitement. “When we have orgasms, our brain will think more often and more spontaneously about making love, as it seeks to be rewarded by hormonal secretions, which it loves,” Virginie explains. Thus, experiencing orgasms and sexual pleasure helps maintain spontaneous desire more easily because the brain craves more! Orgasms thus encourage further orgasms.

What if I Can’t Have an Orgasm?

Virginie advises identifying what might be blocking you: the sensations, your views on sexuality, guilt about sexual pleasure, control, the fear of letting go… “Once the issue is identified, if desired, you can seek solutions alone or as a couple: educate yourself, read books about sexuality, consult a sexologist.” Letting go, having an orgasm, and enjoying a fulfilling sex life, it’s something you work on, “as long as you want it and are motivated,” concludes the professional.

Thank you to Virginie Quérard Clarenc, sexologist and couples therapist.