What Happens in a Man’s Mind When Made Jealous? It’s a Bad Idea!

Is it really possible to strengthen a relationship by sparking jealousy in your partner? This question is at the center of a recent study conducted by Gurit Birnbaum, a psychology professor, and her team. Making your partner jealous, a tactic often used to grab their attention or reignite passion, is neither uncommon nor new. Many have tried it hoping to enhance interest or add some excitement to their relationship. But does it truly work?

Researchers from Reichman University in Israel and the University of Rochester in the USA initially highlight the impact of jealousy at the onset of a relationship. When a relationship is just beginning, seeing your partner attract the attention of others can actually boost interest. This phenomenon, referred to by researchers as “mate choice copying,” is also seen in other species and is based on a simple psychological mechanism: if someone is desired by others, they appear to be of high value. Therefore, in the early stages, inducing jealousy in a partner can validate the choice and stimulate desire. “Jealousy, when triggered by an external party, can initially enhance attraction, particularly in the early stages of a relationship,” the study explains.

However, the dynamic shifts once the relationship becomes established. Instead of arousing desire, the attention your partner receives from others begins to foster increasing insecurity. As highlighted in the study, this shift from valuation to threat becomes a poison that erodes trust within the relationship. The researchers conducted three experiments involving 244 heterosexual couples, including a virtual reality session. In one experiment, participants watched their virtual partner being approached in a bar. At each stage, they were asked to rate their level of desire, their attachment to their partner, and their feelings towards potential rivals. Ultimately, the study showed that seeing your current partner receiving romantic attention or unsolicited advances from someone else can diminish the desire for them, weaken the romantic bond, and lessen the willingness to invest in the relationship due to the risk of loss. An emotional distance sets in to protect oneself from potential pain, which can explain why a partner might not respond to attempts at inducing jealousy.

According to Birnbaum’s team, this defensive reaction aims to minimize potential pain and frustration if the fears of losing one’s partner were to materialize. “By observing their partner being courted, they anticipate the hurt and choose to create emotional distance to protect themselves,” explain the researchers. These findings send a clear message to those who might consider playing the jealousy card to rekindle the flame: this technique is more likely to create tension and weaken the relationship than to generate genuine interest.