Curbing the ‘All-Powerful’ Attitude in Gifted Kids: Essential Tips!

Parents often feel helpless in the face of this intense fury that makes the child unresponsive and seemingly different from the child they know, especially since it can be triggered by an incident that seems trivial to them but crucial to a child showing all signs of deep distress. This situation quickly becomes a trap: any parent concerned with their child’s happiness finds it difficult to see their child so uncomfortable, and if they were to follow their heart rather than their reason, they might give in to the child’s whims just to see them pacified and happy.

Children who hate to acknowledge their clumsiness, ignorance, or naivety try by all means to compensate for these deficiencies by asserting a strong character and a well-defined personality. They quickly learn that their parents’ love is an ideal weakness to exploit. This isn’t a sign of sinister manipulation, but rather a behavior driven entirely by the fear of having their vulnerabilities unequivocally exposed. It seems only natural to them to take this easy path, as it is about self-preservation. Hesitation is not an option for them.

Parents are baffled and lost, unsure how to react: their parental instincts drive them to indulge their child to make them as happy as possible, but the instinct dictating the best response for building their character is the exact opposite. They must overcome the desire to please and act as responsible educators shaping a personality, equipping the child with the best tools for facing significant challenges in adulthood. Indulging every whim does not help in building strong character.

Yet, it is said that a child’s confidence in life is bolstered by parental love, and providing proof of this love supposedly strengthens them: they won’t exhibit the vulnerabilities of those who haven’t experienced such unparalleled love. This lack of love is often cited to explain problematic behaviors, ignoring that this deficit has made others stronger and more resilient since they could only rely on themselves.

By denying a child’s wish, which might seem legitimate and justified in their eyes based on the fervor with which it is expressed, one risks failing to provide the proof of love the child seeks. This denial could be perceived by the child as undeniable evidence of their parents’ lack of love, plunging them into profound distress, convinced that their parents do not love them.

One might think there’s an element of manipulation, albeit unconscious, in this: if you love me, you’ll try to please me; if you frustrate my legitimate desires, you don’t love me, and therefore, I won’t love you either, which is why I scream my despair.

Obviously, it is impossible to reason with a child in such a state, throwing tantrums and showing all the signs of intolerable moral suffering. The pain isn’t physical; it’s emotional, which makes it even more excruciating. They behave as if their plight is horrifically apparent: they are weak, clumsy, and their desires are dismissed as trivial—they might as well die, having lost all significance in the eyes of those around them. Continuing to ignore their extreme misery leaves them feeling like they have no choice but to vanish.

It is often said that teaching children to manage frustration is the best way to prepare them for the adult world: once calmed, they will listen to wisdom and eventually understand its value. Even more beneficial would be learning self-control in all situations, not just in response to the frustration of a desire, which is often unjustified and unreasonable. Learning to control one’s reactions generally provides true strength. It’s not just about accepting that a desire or request isn’t met immediately, but accepting this setback while maintaining enough rationality to view their request in a different light, and perhaps, to devise more appropriate strategies later. Merely resigning oneself to frustration isn’t enough; one must also impartially consider the reasons for the refusal to challenge them if possible or to give up the fight if it’s futile and too draining. It’s crucial to distinguish between a genuine need, which might be essential, and a fleeting whim, which has no serious consequences if unmet.

Self-control leads to greater clarity and objectivity, bringing wisdom—not the kind that settles for little and shuns extravagance, but one that inspires well-measured bold actions. It also protects one’s self-image, which is invaluable, both in terms of self-respect, to avoid disappointment or distress from regrettable reactions, and in terms of how others perceive someone who demonstrates such maturity in their demeanor. When an adult acts like a whimsical child, their reputation can suffer long-term damage.

Thus, we learn to delay gratification of a desire, sometimes to put it into perspective, and not to be overwhelmed by emotions that the situation does not warrant: past experiences have shown that such passionate outbursts are mostly harmful and could, for instance, ruin a relationship over a distorted, even ridiculous, and certainly irrational image that overshadows all qualities.

Advice: Giving in to whims is not a sign of love, as a child stuck in a phase of omnipotence might suggest. Acknowledging them as the victor in a power struggle they have created gives a misleading victory, implying that the child is stronger, more adept, and smarter than their parents. This is an unsustainable and, ultimately, distressing position in the long run. True love encourages helping them develop effective tools to become a well-rounded adult.