Bad Lover But Still in Love: How to Progress Together?

He’s a guy who lacks confidence and hesitates

Jean-Christian is a shy guy who fears being awkward every time he opens his mouth or makes a move near our behind. In his everyday life, he’s quite organized, always very polite, and loves to apologize. In a past life, he was surely Mr. Doubts. So, under the sheets, we hoped for a pleasant surprise, that maybe he’d let loose, but no such luck. He’s the same: he climbs on top but his eyes are full of questions, he dares to touch our underwear but quickly retreats, he leaves our bra on and suggests missionary every night. Honestly, it’s boring.

What do we do? We’re tempted to shake things up, to get on all fours while telling him to move it, we want it to swing. The problem is, with his clear lack of self-confidence, we might just push him further down. A shy guy needs flattery and reassurance. We need to give him confidence so he can be courageous. So, we tell him he’s handsome, sweet, we compliment him, we polish his ego. Then in bed, we guide him. We don’t put on our stern teacher glasses and use directive language, but we take his hand, touch ourselves with it, show him that we like this little move, this way he circles our clitoris. It’s sort of educational. And it’s proving to Mr. Doubts that he can become Mr. Great.

He’s a go-getter who gets it wrong

This time, we’re dealing with a Jean-Christian who is fearless, feels experienced and invigorated, and charges – confidently – at our private parts while we grit our teeth: what is he doing? But we’ve been biting our lips, wincing for months, not daring to say anything. And when he pounces, our legs sometimes tend to close, suggesting we’d rather watch a series. We’re trying to escape because his clumsiness, coupled with baffling confidence, tires us out in advance. Does he watch too much porn or what? And which ex ever approved of this? No, actually, did they all stay quiet, like us?

What do we do? Here too, we guide him. We’re not here to teach him from scratch, but to help him do things differently. If his index finger gets weirdly excited on our clitoris, we place his hand flat on it, telling him “I love it when you do this“, implying “you’ve done it like this before and it’s what I prefer“. We also explore new things. Maybe Jean-Christian isn’t great at missionary; he’s too blunt, but going blunt in doggy style might be more to our liking. So we turn around and enjoy. If we still want missionary, then we set our pace, we lightly lick his earlobe, we touch him slowly, we guide him towards more sensuality. If on the other hand, he’s rather sluggish, we get on top and wake him up a bit. The golden rule here is taking the reins.

He’s a guy who only thinks of himself

There’s no denying, he’s got a good penis, he has reason to be proud. And indeed, he uses it quite effectively when it comes to penetrating us after a minute and fifty seconds of foreplay. But what about my pleasure, dude? This Jean-Christian, he has an issue with performance. He wants to do everything well, thoroughly, he wants to appear like a stud, but deep down, he only thinks about himself, his organ, his erection, his stopwatch. Focused on his capabilities, he becomes obsessed with his pleasure. Or the opposite. Slow down, we need love and fuel to start, too. What’s with this belief that he’s all alone?

What do we do? First, we stop faking it. Because we’ve done it before, not to offend him, and because we hoped that by seeing us “climax” he would remember that we exist. But then, afterward, he sleeps. So no, instead of being invisible when he decides, we can’t let him believe we’re not. It’s time he becomes aware, until one day he looks for us (by the way, where is she?). Next, we assert ourselves, we initiate, we take charge and show that we’re present. Whether it’s through actions – I get on top of you, I grab your hands to touch my breasts – or through words – “I want to heat things up” or “no, not yet, let’s take our time, excite me more and you won’t be disappointed…“. And if JC still doesn’t get it over time, we make it clear to him, with a bit of humor: did you just make love by yourself, or was it me? Because sometimes, you forget about me. Remember, pleasure comes from sharing. You’ll enjoy our encounters even more if you saw me excited… while always learning to be attentive to your feelings. You following? JC?