Does Your Child Have an Imaginary Friend? Find Out Why!

Meet Camille, Teddy, or Lili—perhaps a dog, or maybe a child who looks just like your own. Suddenly, this figure has become your child’s indispensable companion, engaging in endless conversations. There’s no question about it; your child has an imaginary friend. Various studies show that “psychologists find that two-thirds of children between the ages of 3 and 8 have imaginary friends,” states Dr. Dana Castro, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, in her book “Little Silences, Little Lies.” She reassures parents: “It’s a natural and universal phenomenon that contributes to a child’s development and well-being“.

What do they represent?

The imaginary friend typically appears suddenly when a child is old enough to start chatting and questioning. “Before this age, it’s the security blanket that soothes the child.” Dana Castro elaborates, “The imaginary friend emerges all at once when the child is ready to engage in self-communication. This friend acts as an alter-ego, or a second self. It’s a way for the child to explore self-identity and understand others. It also indicates that the child’s inner life is becoming richer.” explains Castro.

How does it benefit the child?

Parents often wonder, “Why does my child feel the need to create this friend?”. “It provides them with a sense of security, progress (through interactions with the imaginary friend), enjoyment (as imagination reigns supreme), significance, and responsibility,” reveals Castro. In her book, she recounts the story of a young girl who showed great responsibility and care for her imaginary friend:
“A 4-year-old girl would ask her parents daily to leave the television on while she was at school. Curious, the parents wondered if their daughter was anxious. After discussing it with her, they realized that the TV was meant to entertain Chiny, the girl’s imaginary friend.”

How should parents react?

Whether your child hides it or speaks openly about their imaginary friend, “take it naturally. With a bit of tenderness and humor, this imaginary companion can become a real channel of communication with your child. Rest assured, it’s perfectly normal!” suggests Castro. She adds, “Try to engage in your child’s play. The key is to understand what your child is expressing through this relationship. It could be something pleasant or something difficult. For example, if your child says ‘at least, he really likes me,’ it’s a sign that something might be wrong.“.

Some parents worry that their child may blur the lines between fiction and reality. No need for concern, assures Castro, “The sense of reality is not impaired. In fact, when the time comes, your child will be able to tell you ‘you know, he doesn’t really exist.'” Moreover, there’s no risk of your child becoming isolated, “We all have our private inner worlds, but it doesn’t stop us from interacting with others!” the expert insists.

Has your child completely stopped talking about their imaginary friend? That’s normal too; it signifies that they no longer need this ally and have moved on, possibly to keeping a diary or developing real friendships.

Thanks to Dana Castro, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, author of “Little Silences, Little Lies” published by Albin Michel.