How to Help Your Child Make Friends: Essential Tips for Parents

It can be a concern for parents to see their child playing alone on the playground. Even if a child is naturally introspective or enjoys solitude, it’s important for them to interact with other children and have at least one or two friends. “Adults may have varying numbers of friends and still feel lonely. However, it’s different for children because they are learning to navigate the world and socialize,” explains Florence Millot, a psychologist and educational therapist.

There are several factors that can make it difficult for a child to make friends. “Parents play a crucial role. Did they have trouble letting others care for their child when they were an infant? Were they overly anxious? A parent’s temperament, especially if they are extremely shy, can also affect this,” the psychologist notes. Other factors may include the child’s lack of self-confidence or stressful home situations such as divorce, bereavement, or domestic violence. “Conversely, a child may have many friends as a way to compensate for a lack of emotional support at home,” Millot adds. Additionally, a child’s personality and interests can impact their ability to connect with peers. “A child who is an outlier due to their interests, or who is gifted, might struggle to connect with others because their interests do not align,” she clarifies.

So, how can you help your child make friends? It involves some practical steps. “At the park with a young child, remain unobtrusive, but you can approach the sandbox and subtly offer a shovel and bucket to another child. Seeing their parent interact, the child will likely mimic this behavior. After a few minutes, the parent should return to their bench and let the child play,” suggests Millot. “For older children, don’t hesitate to make friends with other parents, arrange playdates, park outings, or a sleepover,” she recommends. Other helpful actions include enrolling your child in a sports club, an activity, a summer camp, or occasionally sending them to stay with grandparents where they can meet cousins.

If your child doesn’t have friends, there’s no need for immediate concern, assures the expert. However, it’s important to be aware of what’s happening, especially if the situation affects them daily. “The idea is not to intervene right away, but to let the child find their footing and have their own experiences to see how they can navigate on their own,“ Millot advises. “However, if you see that the child is suffering, it’s critical to step in. Don’t hesitate to seek help from friends, other parents, or even a professional,” she adds. Concerns can also be shared with the teacher, asking them to observe and discuss the situation together.

“If a child is unhappy, there might be a hidden message behind these struggles. It’s important to try to identify it. By being alone, the child might also be trying to draw attention,” Millot observes. Even if a parent is very observant and attentive, they might not see everything. “A session or two with a psychologist, sometimes with the family, can be enough. It also shows the child that you are concerned and won’t leave them to handle it alone,” concludes Millot.