How to Forget an Impossible Love? Unlock Heartache Healing Secrets!

Letting go of a loved one when feelings are strong and very much present can be challenging. An unattainable love can be a source of profound sadness. “An impossible love is based on illusion and fantasy,” explains Maïté Tranzer, psychologist. “We tend to focus on the positive while ignoring the negative. This kind of love often involves a form of self-sabotage and can be linked to low self-esteem.” If, despite obvious challenges, the love remains unfulfilled, the quest for self-validation becomes even more impacted. “The blinders we put on can cause a lot of pain and further diminish self-esteem.”

There are various reasons why love can seem impossible. A significant age difference, for instance, can prevent a couple from staying together. Diverging life goals and a complicated shared future might lead to a breakup despite ongoing feelings. Long-distance relationships can also become too hard to sustain. Despite the love, some choose to give up because the lack of physical closeness is too hard to bear. It’s also possible to be deeply in love with someone who is already in another relationship. Initially, you might hold on, hoping they will leave their partner. But weeks or even years later, the situation remains unchanged. This love cannot be enjoyed peacefully and fulfilling.

Exiting an impossible relationship can be tough because the love is still there, and letting go is necessary. According to Maïté Tranzer, the steps to follow are the same as those during any breakup: first, the shock and denial—“this is the first emotion that surfaces”—followed by bargaining—“a period filled with much questioning,” then anger—“this phase can last for varying lengths of time. This anger can be very self-directed. It’s a period filled with vivid and intense emotions,” notes Maïté Tranzer. Then comes a period of sadness, which can be prolonged, and finally acceptance. “This last step is crucial for moving forward. It helps to understand what didn’t work,” the professional warns. “Focusing on the future with a clear understanding of the past relationship can help in moving forward.”

There are also other tips to help move on and let go of an impossible love. “Avoid stalking your former partner on social media and make sure to surround yourself with family and friends to avoid falling into the same patterns,” advises the psychologist. “It’s also a good time to identify your needs, understand your desires, and move towards new horizons with a strong sense of self,” concludes Maïté Tranzer.