7 Signs Your Partner is Manipulating You: It’s Not Love, It’s Control!

It’s cunning, very cunning. Romantic manipulation can be hard to spot, explains Claire Petin, a psychologist and couples therapist. It’s a form of manipulation that creeps into the relationship gradually and subtly. “This behavior aims to establish control through strategies like subjugation, social isolation, threats, and restrictions,” the psychologist warns. The person being manipulated loses their critical thinking as well as their vitality. Victims are “often radiant individuals who enjoy life, but also those with low self-esteem and insecure attachments, who have vulnerabilities that need addressing,” the expert points out.

If romantic manipulation distorts the victim’s perception of reality, there are certain signs that can signal you are in such a toxic relationship:

1. You constantly feel like you’re making mistakes around the other person: “The manipulator creates an atmosphere of fear and anxiety. The victim is always on high alert, afraid of their reactions, and lives in constant fear of doing something wrong,” describes Claire Petin.
2. You don’t feel at peace: As this toxic relationship alternates between praise and negative criticism, a climate of insecurity prevails daily. “Manipulative techniques like gaslighting, hoovering, and emotional blackmail undermine the victim’s confidence,” adds the psychologist.
3. You feel that everything is your fault: Manipulation is characterized by a loss of self-confidence and lower self-esteem than ever. “The other person uses manipulative tactics to devalue the victim. They feel they must change to meet their expectations,” the professional clarifies.
4. You are isolated: Have you lost contact with your friends or family? That’s a sign of manipulation. “The manipulator distances their victim and cuts off their support network, leaving them without any benchmarks,” decodes Claire Petin.
5. You always find excuses for the other’s behavior: Victims of manipulation struggle to leave the relationship because they believe a change is possible. For the psychologist, “they are also attached to moments of tenderness and connection. This cognitive dissonance and intense attachment lead to minimizing abusive behaviors.”
6. You have lost confidence in yourself: “The constant criticism casts doubt on your perception of reality. Achievements are downplayed, which erodes self-esteem,” emphasizes Claire Petin.
7. You feel emotionally and physically drained: Manipulation drains energy. As the professional explains, “the traumatic bond depletes mental and physical resources.”

Manipulation is not a tactic to be taken lightly as it can have “serious physical and mental consequences.” While it can be challenging to detect when you’re being manipulated, “it’s important to listen to your body, which can sometimes express what you can’t consciously realize.” Therapeutic work can be beneficial to regain good self-esteem but also to identify and understand the manipulation, to have the strength to leave and avoid repeating this pattern in the future.