Warning Signs: This Type of Person Almost Always Ends Up in Toxic Relationships!

What exactly defines a toxic person? This individual often unconsciously targets those who lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem. Their goal is to heal their own wounds through manipulative tactics. “A so-called toxic person has likely been hurt themselves. Because of their own pain, they understand what can hurt others and may use this knowledge against someone else. It’s a form of payback, sometimes conscious, sometimes not,” explains family and marital counselor, Violaine de Laplagnolle. “This reflects the Karpman Drama Triangle theory, which highlights toxic relational dynamics involving three key roles: victim, persecutor, and rescuer, with each individual potentially adopting any of these roles at different times.” The behavior, words, and attitudes of a toxic and manipulative person can lead to significant emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and stress for their target.

People with Low Self-Esteem: Most Vulnerable to Toxic Relationships

Individuals with low self-esteem find it more challenging to defend themselves against toxic people. “A person who lacks self-esteem doesn’t recognize their own worth, or might even believe they have none, making them more susceptible to believing whatever they are told,” explains Violaine de Laplagnolle. Self-esteem comprises four main components: self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-perception, and self-love. Interestingly, we each tend to have a preference for one of these components. For instance, someone might feel attractive (self-perception) but dislike their quick temper (self-acceptance). Another person might dislike their personality but have confidence in their academic abilities. This person has self-confidence but struggles with self-love. “Therefore, to enhance self-esteem, one should focus on strengthening their preferred component to improve the others, thereby growing in all dimensions of self-esteem.”

Within the group of those lacking self-esteem, various sub-profiles exist based on individual experiences. “Emotional, physical, verbal abuse, or sexual abuse invariably damage self-esteem. Also, a child who feels unloved or disrespected may believe they are worthless. Self-esteem can fluctuate throughout life; it may weaken during challenging times like the loss of a loved one or a job layoff.”

Nevertheless, it is important to note that not everyone with low self-esteem, whether temporary or chronic, will inevitably end up in a toxic relationship. “We are not doomed to encounter toxic people. Self-esteem can ebb and flow; it’s not a permanent state,” emphasizes the counselor. “Moreover, self-esteem can be developed, repaired, and maintained.”

Interview with Violaine de Laplagnolle, family and marital counselor and president of the National Federation of Couples and Families.