Reignite Peace After a Fight with This Simple Candle Trick!

Heading to sleep while still upset with your partner risks a poor night’s sleep. Post-argument, feelings of irritation, frustration, restlessness, or anger prevail. Each partner retreats to their side of the bed, turning their back on the other, setting the stage for a restless night. “For couples, the angrier I am when I go to bed, the worse I sleep, and the more resentment builds up,” explains Violaine de Laplagnolle, a marital and family counselor. “This resentment grows exponentially. My heart grows heavier, fueling bitterness and escalating pressure, which can lead to an outburst or oppressive silence for others. It’s like a pressure cooker effect.”

It’s unrealistic to agree on everything. However, when we go to sleep angry, our minds ruminate on the disagreements throughout the night. We wake up still upset, often leading to a bad day ahead. If we don’t address our issues promptly, they can become deeply ingrained and much harder to resolve. “Internally, these conflicts can become profound and destructive. Yet, reconciliation or forgiveness helps reconnect with your partner and regain the inner peace we all seek,” notes our relationship expert.

“Feeling forgiven makes one feel understood, heard, and respected.”

Forgiveness restores peace, serenity, and inner calm, even in romantic relationships. “In a romantic relationship, small acts of forgiveness should be a daily routine as they foster a healthy and peaceful relationship. Practicing small, daily acts of forgiveness brings significant benefits to the relationship and those within it. It’s a practice, a discipline that gradually becomes a part of the couple’s life, teaching us sometimes even to offer bigger acts of forgiveness. When forgiven, we feel understood, heard, respected. These acts of forgiveness enhance well-being within the relationship, similar to expressions of gratitude. Forgiveness brings joy, peace, and most importantly, allows us to move on and renew ourselves.”

When you’re ready to ask for forgiveness or to forgive when asked, a virtuous cycle begins: forgiveness heals the relationship, and the couple feels at peace. “Apologizing in front of children can also be beneficial for them. It shows that adults can disagree and get upset, but by asking for forgiveness, they can reconcile. Parents are role models for children, and seeing them reconcile provides comfort and structure,” adds our expert.

Sometimes, one partner may not be ready to talk or discuss issues, still too upset from the previous day’s argument. Our marital counselor suggests a simple trick: “Place two candles in a dedicated spot, like the entryway of your home. When one is lit, it signals a desire to discuss, to seek forgiveness, similar to a white flag signaling peace in wartime. The other partner can then light their candle to indicate they’re ready to begin dialogue or reconciliation.”

The goal is to establish a mutual signal to de-escalate conflict and promote peace. The first to feel ready can take action to break the negative cycle that can otherwise poison the relationship. According to our expert,

“if the relationship is healthy and balanced, once the issue is resolved, both partners experience the benefits of renewed peace, thereby strengthening their marital bonds.” Living daily with small or significant acts of forgiveness allows the couple to gradually learn to deepen their love and “choose each other” again. Forgiveness is profoundly liberating and healing for the relationship. Sometimes, seeking a professional may be necessary when the relationship is stuck or dialogue has broken down.

Special thanks to Violaine de Laplagnolle, marital and family counselor and president of the National Federation of Couples and Families (FNCF).