A Simple Parenting Coach-Initiated Method to Understand Strong Relationships
Discussions about children’s social circles are a common theme in family conversations. The strain in friendships, uneven loyalties, and unexpected disappointments all shape a significant part of their school and social life. An Instagram post by @_petit_deviendra_grand_ encapsulates this idea: “Your child will face many storms, and you can’t prevent them. But if they find ONE friend who believes in them and offers a hand at the right moment, they can always rebuild.” The focus isn’t on avoiding challenges but on empowering children to recognize what benefits them and avoiding emotional harm or isolation.
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The post also highlights the importance of teaching mutual respect from an early age. Parenting coach Laurie Gozlan, who runs the Instagram account, emphasizes: “If you want to help your child, show them that they deserve respect. And teach them to keep relationships that lift them up and let go of those that pull them down.” This advice resonates with parents seeking a straightforward way to discuss others’ behavior without demonizing certain peers or making harsh judgments.
Observing Inconsistent Behaviors
To illustrate the process of recognizing behavior, Gozlan suggests a playful approach to identifying “inconsistent” behaviors—those that children encounter but might struggle to label. These can include changeable, opportunistic, nervous, harsh, sometimes deceitful or absent behaviors, often negative, or instances where someone turns away as soon as a mistake is made. Simply identifying these behaviors helps children understand their feelings. For this, she recommends a mnemonic device: C for Changeable, O for Opportunistic, N for Nervous, S for Severe, T for Deceitful, A for Absent, N for Negative, and T for Turns away. Her advice doesn’t just stop at spotting unsettling behaviors; she also offers a positive, simple, and clear marker to recognize a supportive relationship.
The key is to identify the three letters in the word FRIEND. F for Focused, because a true friend listens without judgment or mockery. R for Reliable, because the lightness shared and the joy of being together are undeniable indicators. I for Important, because a friend shows the other that they are valued and truly matter.
Empowering Children to Recognize Positive Influences
In essence, this method provides a clear way for children to identify the right people in their lives. This approach allows friendship to be viewed from the perspective of fostering trust rather than suspicion. Children better retain what makes them feel good rather than what should scare them, and parents can use this logic to foster a more equitable dialogue about relationships. Definitely something to keep in mind.
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